Friday, April 29, 2011

Boy howdy is all I can say

Yup.....Boy Howdy!!!

Ya see, it's like this.....I was sit'n on "da porch" sip'n a cup and think'n when up drives "the old man". He owns the place ya know. He says "what ya work'n on"??? I says...."a boat". Now ya see, the reason I said I was work'n on a boat is because I just came back from Walmart with a battery and some wire and stuff for a trolling motor for my blow up bass fish'n boat. I just can't see old Billy Bob paddl'n a boat around some big lake when he can use a motor.

Anyhows, "the old man" just happened to have a trolling motor in his truck. And the price was right....$40, after I put the jews to him. That's considered barter'n....or something like that. It a vintage....I like antiques...Montgomery Wards Sea King 502.....what ever that is. It gots a 3 inch propeller on it and two forward speeds. How comes no reverse??? How the hell I gonna back up???

So now all I gotta do is build a bracket thingy to hold the motor. Wayne says I'm gonna spend a hunert dollars building one. (they sell online for $79) But what could be better than building your own?

Winds are up to terrible again today, but probably not high enough to shut down the interstate like the other day. Played golf ball swak'n yesterday. Was nice till right bout the 4th hole.....here come the wind. But at least I whooped old "pesky neighbor" Waynes ass. Don't ask a score 'cause I ain't gonna post it.

Almost time for the "clock shootout" at the BB corral. If it hadn't been so windy, I would have been there, but my hoss don't like wind either.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Meds...no meds

It ain't been very far back that I could sit down and write a blog post with "no problem". Seems lately, I just can't get my mind to function on a subject of interest. With that said, could I be losing my mind??? Could my meds be mind altering drugs? Or could it be that I just don't do anything anymore?

Ok.....we got that all settled. Now lets see what old Billy Bob can come up with this morning. *think'n....think'n....think'n* Not a damn thing comes to mind.

Well the "old fat man" Barney is to hit the road this morning. In 30 to 35 mph wind. He was headed off to some lake over by Carlsbad here in New Mexico, but....it's on fire.....or something like that. Hope he don't get discouraged and head back to the Gulf coast and spend the summer sit'n in that salt environment in Rockport, Texas.....do'n nuttin.

Barney's visit to old Billy Bob's "da house" turned out to be a very pleasant experience. Gonna have to meet up with him somewheres down the road here in a couple months. The golf games we played was nuttin but fun....except for one occasion when the wind was entirely too strong for a couple old farts to be swak'n golf balls. Many hour we spent sit'n out there on "da porch" sip'n coffee and BS'n. Gonna miss him.

Well, my Dr Frankinsteen has done piss me off. Ya see, I done run out of meds, prescriptions expired, and I went to his office to get them renewed for another year. They say I have to make an appointment for a "follow up" before I can get one year of drugs. And the only opening is way up in June...the 8th or something like that. That would be a time when I had expected to be "on the road again". So now I have to change my travel plans to fit his plans. Damn, it only take 5 minutes to write a freak'n prescription. Anyhows, after a bunch of bitch'n and holler'n, they gave me a 3 month prescription. I could stretch that into 6 months by tak'n my meds every other day, but then I would still have to see him when I get back from my next trip. So.....schedule change.

Now let's talk bout a good nights sleep. For the last month I do not sleep very well. Oh I sleep, but when I get up in the morning, I feel like I didn't sleep but a couple hours. I have dreams that wake me in the middle of the night, just like old Ben, but by morning I don't remember them. Makes me wish I was younger again. But then if I was, I would have to relive all this crap again. It's hard I'm tell'n ya, it's hard. Best advice I can give ya is to stay young, get off the couch and take a walk, do some mind exercises and if you're single, get a young girlfriend. Don't retire.

Gonna shoot that damn clock. Finally found new clocks in Walmart and bought me up one. By the time I finished alterations, it quit run'n every 20 minutes. What the hell.....just like the old one. Took it back apart, bent the second hand so it wouldn't rub on the glass....walla....brand spank'n new clock. Now the old one is doomed to die a terrible death.....maybe today. So stay tuned.

Ok, winds kick'n up to 39 mph. Shoot'n that clock is got to wait. Gonna be excit'n.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Fish'n trip from hell

I packed up 3 my boys in the old bread truck, along with a little 12 foot boat and enough food to last a month. We was gonna go catch us some bass fishes. We found us a good camp'n site right next to the water. And close to a hunert other other campers. Old folks what didn't like scream'n kids. Well mine were perfect scream'n age and there was more of them than the one of me. So the scream'n lasted well into the night....with me tell'n them to "SHUT UP".

First night we all headed off into the woods for a much needed "pee". It was dark in them woods. We talked a little bout all the animals that live in the woods. Ronny had him a good stream a go'n when I mentioned bears. Now Ronny was the type that clinged to his daddy in the time of terror and fear. I was run'n back to the safety of camp, not in fear of bears, but Ronny had a steam a go'n he couldn't shut off, hang'n on my shirt tail, pee'n on me as we ran.

Back at camp we decided we would build a nice little camp fire. Well eveybody know the only way to start a campfire is with powerful engine fuel.....gasoline. Holy crap, the woods is on fire. Flames 10 foots high. Kids scream'n. Neighbors shout'n "shut them kids up".

Robert wasn't much of a fisherman at the time. Tangled line, bait out of reach up in a tree....that boy could cast straight up 9 out of 10 casts. And put his foot in a tackle box....yep he could do that too. Just like Bill Dance.

Second day right after a pancake breakfast all I could hear was "sploosh, splash" for no less than 30 minutes. It were Billy, toss'n rocks in the lake. Big rocks. Lots of them. Here come a couple neighbors, all red eyes from loss of sleep the night before. "Would you tell them boys not to throw rock in the water....we fish'n here". Ok, I told them. But did Billy listen??? Ha Ha Ha.

To get the boys away from camp before the neighbors went bizerk on me, we loaded up the little fish'n boat, fired up the 3 hp motor and headed to the bass fish'n grounds. "My god Robert, watch where you pit your feet". Fish'n lures, hooks and weights all over the bottom the boat. The little 3 hp motor had all it could take of these redneck boys what couldn't sit still and just up and quit......pooof. A cloud of white smoke. Now how the hell we gonna get back. You didn't think old Billy Bob was stupid did ya??? I had an oar. Just bout supper time we was back in camp....no smil'n faces on the neighbors.

With no motor for the boat, all that was left to do was fish from the banks, lay around camp and listen to Billy toss'n rocks. I layed down in the old bread truck for a nice nap, only to be woked up by Billy talk'n to the fish license check'n guy. "My daddy is in the truck....he don't have no fish'n license". (Shut up Billy) Never gonna take that boy fish'n again. After we ate up a months supply of food, we loaded up the old bread truck and headed home. With no fish. Never the less, it was a fish'n trip I will never forget.

Now let me tell ya bout stow'n a blow up bass fish'n boat. If ya didn't see the pic, it's not really a bass boat, but a little blow up canoe. 10 feets long and not quite wide enough to not turn over. Well anyhows, I needed to put it back in the bag what it was in before I took it out. Ok, how the hell that thing gonna fit back in that bag? Instructions, read the instructions. Right....have ya ever read instructions from China. There ain't none for put'n the boat back in the bag. I rolled it, folded it, squished it, stomped on it.....it ain't gonna fit. After a few choice words, a couple cups of coffee and the help of a rope to keep it in a nice little bundle, I squeezed it back into the bag. Boy howdy....that bag is got to go.

Yesterdays golf game with the "old fat man" Barney was nothing to talk about. In fact, I shouldn't even think about it. Really enjoying Barney's visit even though the wind has been terrible most every day. That brand spank'n fish pole reel sure looks nice on my fish pole. Thanks Barney.

Sure did laugh at some of the comments. Humor is medicine.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Wind??? What wind?

Boy howdy is it windy or what? I been back in Deming almost a month now and the wind ain't quit blow'n yet. I stopped all outside activities, such as mow'n the yard, my daily walk around the block, wash'n an wax'n "da house", golf ball swak'n and fly'n a kite. Most days are only bout 25 mph average, but then there's days like today when the wind blows. Of course we haven't had any tornadoes or hurricanes yet.

Well today is the day. My "blow up" will arrive by UPS this afternoon. Boy howdy am I gonna have some fun with that thing. Of course I'm gonna need a sturdy paddle and maybe some rope....not whips and chains. Find me a nice secluded spot where there ain't no body to watch.....uh huh, gonna be some fun.
We talk'n bout a boat ya bunch of perverts.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Conputer again.....damn

Holy cows, how much more abuse does the world have to offer old Billy Bob?
Remember that fan what was full of hair on my lap top??? Well now that little cooling fan is almost dead. If I wasn't so damn cheap, I would shoot this sum a gun with my .357 and go buy me a brand spank'n new one. Grrrrrrr.....I'll never have another HP computer long as I live. No....I wouldn't have a Dell either.

Beautiful morning here in the desert. Wind blow'n bout 5 mile a hour, not a cloud in the sky, but what the hell is all the hazy stuff I see off to the south? Gonna be a great day for swak'n golf balls we didn't swak yesterday.

Still undecided what or where I gonna go this summer. I still have my mind on that fish'n and golf'n tour I told ya bout, but damn, it take a lot of research to find fish'n places on golf courses. Figger I'll stay here in Deming for another month or so before I head out into the hottest part of summer. Good think'n huh???

Thursday, April 14, 2011

What the hell ya do'n Wayne??

Boy howdy, let me tell ya bout an exciting morning. Thursday is golf ball swak'n day ya know and we was there right on time. Old Fat Man Barney was wear'n two pretty white golf'n gloves and a heavy winter coat...with a frown on his face. He weren't too happy. Well hell no, the wind was blow'n. Not just a little 15 mph breeze, but blown'n a storm. But we tee'd off anyhows not know'n where the ball was gonna go. By the third hole, "pesky neighbor" Wayne done pick up his golf ball. I says...."what the hell ya do'n Wanye"??? He done quit. He start his whin'n bout he couldn't see, his back hurt, he had a headache....all sorts of excuses. Well hell, a couple year ago we was swak'n golf balls in the dead of winter, cold, windy and all sorts of nasty stuff, but we played a full 18 holes....didn't quit. In the mean time Barney still had a frown on his face....he weren't happy. Bout the 6th hole, old Billy Bob done had enough of this abuse too. Game over!!!

Well I have a fish'n boat on the way.This gonna be my authentic skinny water, go anywhere bass fish'n boat powered by Billy Bob hisself. What a deal.

Now all I gotta do is find a place with water....maybe a few fishes to catch. Is there any way to get out of this thing without falling in the water?? That's the problem I have with my el cheapo blow up boat. Fall'n in cold water ain't my idea of hav'n fun. Oh, did I mention I can put a motor on the back this thing and leave the oars at home??? Go a hunert mile a hour....yee ha!

Monday, April 11, 2011

Lost day

Boy howdy, if ya don't have a watch that tells ya what day it is, you gonna be out in left field when ya should be up at bat.

Got up this morn'n....but first, let me tell ya bout yesterday. Sunday is golf day in Deming for old Billy Bob, but things didn't work out. The wind was blow'n 30 mile a hour with gusts to 50. That don't make a good golf day. So we didn't play. Then on top of that, remember the new pain I was whin'n about. Well it came back last night.
Only position I could be comfortable was on my left side. And I can't go to sleep on my left side. Then to top that off, I had to get up 3 times for a potty call. Then to top that off, my water was froze up this morning.

Me and the boys went off to play golf this afternoon. Me think'n it was Sunday. So since I was already screwed up on what day it was, I thought it would be to my advantage to throw the game. Boy howdy did I ever. Of course the Old Fat Man Barney had to show off and beat me bad....along with pesky neighbor Wayne stomp'n me by 3 strokes. I'll never throw another game. Back at "da house" by 4:30 look'n at the couch. Need to lay down. Old Billy Bob wore slap out.

No other news at this time.

Saturday, April 9, 2011


Well where do I start??? So much has gone through my mind that I rattle when I walk.

Speak'n of rattle when ya walk....now I got me a brand spank'n new pain. No, not in da ass. When I got up this morning, I found that I couldn't straighten up....look like an old man all bend over. It's in the kidney area or a little above. Pick up a 10# bag of taters and had to let them drop. Chose a 5# bag instead. Same with milk....1/2 gallon instead of the usual 1 gallon.

Oh....did I mention I spent the morn'n in Walmart? Yep, got there right at 9am think'n I would be all by myself. Yeah right. About a half a gazillion others thought the same thing. Now if'n all ya remember me say'n "I love Walmart"....well you can forget all that stuff from now on. Holy crap....where all the stuff I usually buy? It's gone, nothing but generic stuff and not much of that. Kraft colby cheese.....ain't none. Ain't no Kraft nuttin. I wanted some chicken thighs. Yeah right.....only way to get chicken thighs is to buy a 10# sack of old rooster legs. But it ain't just these few items....it's everywhere....they ain't got no choice. Grrrrrrr.

Ok.....now that I'm pissed at Walmart, let me tell ya bout the wind what hit me when I left the store. Bout a hunert mile a hour....sand blow'n everywhere. Then I had to go to another store and walk through the park lot. Holy crap, old Billy Bob don't like this stuff. Gonna blow slap into the next county. Then when I got back to "da house", I had to tote all them bags inside....against the wind. Boy howdy, I wore slap out.

Ok, now to ease everyone's mind, I did some think'n the last couple days. Bout the "little red bronco II" and "that jeep". What I was think'n when I decided to put the Bronco back on the road was to save $$$$$$$$'s replacing "that jeep" with something light and reliable. Ya see, I don't trust either the "little red bronco" or "that jeep". I ain't walk'n. But as things stand right now, the jeep stays on the road while I look for a Suzuki Side Kick....or something compatible. All the headaches ain't worth the worry. Sometimes old Billy Bob's ideas ain't always the best ideas.

Ok....how the hell do ya tenderize beef? Ya see, I'm mak'n a big pot of soup and the meat is like chew'n shoe leather. Even though I still have most my teeth, this stuff is tuff. Got it on low simmer, but damn, I'm get'n hungry.

Went out to eat with Barney and pesky neighbor Wayne last night. Had me up some beef fajitas, refried pintos, some rice, pico de gillo...how ever ya spell it, guacamole, tortillas and fresh cup of coffee. Hot damn, that was some good eat'n. But I ate too much. Paid for it last night.
Anyhows, we all three gonna attempt to swak some golf balls tomorrow. Unless the wind is up again. Forecast says 20 mph tomorrow, what ain't too bad. Just a breeze for Deming. 

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Back to square one

Got up early again this morn'n so I could get a pot of coffee down before the exciting golf game....in the wind.
It were blow'n so hard that old Billy Bob could hardly stand up. Something like 25 to a hunert mile a hour. Struck a pretty fair game consider'n what I was up against. Didn't break 90, but what the hell, I was swak'n golf balls. Pesky neighbor Wayne call it quits after 9 hole "cause I was beat'n him so bad. He know better than to think he can beat old Billy Bob.....

A few minutes before we tee'd off on the first hole, I got a phone call. It was that New Mexico State Police guy. He asked if I had a receipt for the door what was replaced 10 years ago. WHAT....is he nuts? Nobody keeps receipts for no 10 years. Anyhows, I told him I would just re-register the "little red bronco" in Texas again. Then....I found out I have to take it all the way to south Texas to get that done. "Holy crap Billy Bob, see what problems that "that jeep" has caused you"??? So, in the mean time, I'll be haul'n the Jeep behind the house for another year.

Speak'n of "that jeep", remember I tole you bout the new noise it was mak'n....click click clack clack bang bang? Well I pull the front drive line back out and all that noise is gone.....for now. It could still be a bad CV joint on the left front wheel. What one them cost????

Ok....here comes the Old Fat Man Barney.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

State Police

Boy howdy, they pick'n on old Billy Bob again. What did I do to deserve all this abuse???

Got up way early this morn'n, drank me up some coffee and headed off to town in the "little red bronco II" for to get me some tags and stuff. Well, the little lady went out and look at the VIN number, then she look at the number on the door. They was different. So she sent me down the road to the New Mexico State Police place for and investigation 'cause of why I have 2 different numbers. How long does it take to check???? It's been an hour over when the guy was gonna call me back. Guess I gonna have to got back to town and raise some hell. If I have to re-register in Texas I'm gonna be pissed. That means a yearly safety inspection.....GRRRRRRR!!!!

Got most the Bronco all wax up like new....except for a door what has 3 year old tar on it and the rear deck lid. Could use one more good coat, but it looks good from my house.

Ain't nuttin else happen up till 12:30pm, so there ain't no use to keep talk'n. "Shut up Billy Bob".

More news as things happen..............

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

What a day

Boy howdy let me tell ya....this has been one nice day for old Billy Bob.......

Ya see, it's like this, I was still alive and kick'n when I woke up this morn'n....which ain't unusual. But at times I wonder. Sit around wonder'n what I'm gonna do with this "vehicle" situation I got myself in. I just insured "that jeep" a couple days ago....or maybe it was yesterday. But it ain't the jeep I need insurance on. I'm park'n that damn thing and will walk if I have to. But as you know, I still have my "little red broncoII".....with out a computer. But hell, it runs without one.

This afternoon I headed off to the Motor Vehicle place to register the Brono in New Mexico. Ok, they have to SEE the Bronco and it has no current registration to drive down there. But that's OK too. They gave me a special permit to drive it down there so the little lady can verify the VIN number. But the little lady told me I have to have insurance on it before they will issue tags. Hmmmmmm.....since I got a "cheap" quote from Geico yesterday, I'll just go home, get online, and get me some cheap insurance....what I did. Now I have to print out the insurance card they sent my by email. But I ain't got no printer that works. Now what the hell ya gonna do Billy Bob. No problem, put it on a zip card thingy and take it down to Verizon and have Mike print it out....along with the ones for "da house" and "that jeep". Then tomorrow, drive my "little red broncoII down there to the nice lady at the Motor Vehicle place. Simple huh????

Speak'n of the Bronco, I hosed it off today and started wax'n it. Got the hood, front fenders, not just one of 'em, but both and part of one door finished.
Now we get'n somewheres, yes sir ree Billy Bob....look'n good.. Hot damn, can hardly wait. Love my "little red broncoII".

Speak'n of golf, I lied yesterday. The Old Fat Man Barney didn't whoop me as bad as I thought. Only by 4 strokes, but that was Wayne's fault...talk'n when I'm swak'n the ball. Barney struck a 84 ans I swak'ed a 88. Now too bad for a couple old farts.....although Barney is still a youngster.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Busy, busy and too busy

Boy howdy, don't ever try to do everything in one day. I got on the cell phone and give'em hell in just a minute or two. Got my insurance took care of on "Sally da house" and "that jeep". Then I took care of my ERS (emergency road service) with another phone call. Dang, that wore me slap out.

Speak'n of "that jeep".....well, it has something else going bad. Everybody already knows how much trouble "that jeep" has caused me in the last year and a half. Ok, here's the latest. I pull up to the park lot at the local golf ball swak'n place with a "clack clack clickity clank clank"....com'n from the left front. Sound like one them little cajun wimmins strum'n a washboard in tune to Louisiana Saturday Night.....or something like that. Now what the hell????

Welcome to "rustedgranny". Hot dang, that's a good handle if I ever did hear one.

I suppose y'all done watched old Billy Bob almost get blowed away yesterday. My god, did it ever blow in Deming. Interstate shut down. Silver City Hwy shut down. Blow so bad ya couldn't even play golf. Now that's bad. But never fear, old Billy Bob, pesky neighbor Wayne and Barney from the OFM blog spent the afternoon mak'n up for yesterday. Don't be at all fooled when Barney says he can't play golf. He's one golf ball swak'n guy. Beat old Billy Bob by bout 6 strokes.....and old Billy Bob was play'n good....on the front nine. But then all hell broke loose and I lost it on the back nine.

Haven't make any plans for tomorrow, but ya never know, I may just do something interesting. Of important things to do, I rekon Walmart tops the list. Have to get the "little red broncoII" registered in New Mexico....for two years. Insure it through Geico for $400 less than GMAC....I can do that online. Then wash and wax, spin the tires till they smoke and then go down the road do'n a hunert mile a hour to the tire sell'n place. Or.... I could wait another year and take my chances with "corroded" tires. 

Ok....eat'n up a bowl of homemade chicken noodle and tater soup.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Little Red Bronco II part 2

Boy howdy what a response from yesterdays post. I like it.

Old Bily Bob don't have much patience with new toys....such as a carburetor repair kit, so I broke out some old rusty tools and set my mind to rebuild a perfectly good carburetor....yesterday. By 7pm I was finished, if you can call break'n a couple them plastic vacuum lines and losing one finished . Well maybe it ain't lost, I just can't find it. But it runs good....that is if you consider running without an operating computer.

Old Fool suggested my problem with the computer might be a bad ground connection. Well that ain't it. Ya see, it's like this.....for the last 7 years that old computer has been mak'n all kind of weird noises.....click'n and stuff. Then as it got worser, one of the electronic controls on the carburetor started click'n....with the key turn off.  What would run the battery plumb dead over night. The computer is hook up "hot" 24/7/365. So, I hook it up to the air cond. clutch wire.....the a/c don't work no hows....so's the computer would only be "hot" when I turn on the key. Old Billy Bob know some stuff....huh??? Well now, the computer don't work at all....after been hook up to the a/c clutch for the last 3 years.....sheesh!!I say it's time for a brand spank'n new computer.....what ya think???

Now, bout them busted plastic vacuum lines. Well shoot, just run down town and buy some new ones. Yeah right. I went every place in town....even Taco Bell and no new plastic vacuum lines. Ok, no problem. Where my duct tape??? Actually I used electrical tape. Took 4 wraps around them busted lines and slipped a piece of rubber hose over the enlarged plastic hoses. Hot damn....we in business.

I remember back before duct tape was invented....well actually it was invented, only called something else. Used it in hospitals for years for big ol' cuts and bruises....broke noses and stuff like that.
Adhesive tape....remember??? Only color available was white. Now look what ya got, a rainbow of colors....and they call it duct tape. Of course, if ya didn't have any adhesive tape you could always pick up a roll of friction tape. All hardware stores carried it. "Sheesh Billy Bob, what the hell are you talk'n bout tape for"???

Did ya know it's almost humm'n bird time? Yep, it get'n close. Just this morn'n while I was sit'n out on "da porch" sip'n a cup, here come one them big yeller and black birds, landed on the hummer feeder think'n he was gonna get something to eat, gave me one them looks and away he flew.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Little Red Bronco II

Ok....the decision has been made. Forget all the talk I did about buying a $5000 Suzuki Side Kick. Old Billy Bob gonna put the "little red bronco" back on the road. You may ask what made me make this rash decision....well, I'm gonna tell ya. You all know how much I love that "little red bronco" and how much I hate that "that jeep" and how much I hate to spend a chunk of change ($5000) for something that I already own. It was a simple economic decision.

Now....I went out back to start up the bronco and holy cows, will it ever start??? Almost run the battery slap down crank'n that thing. Finally it just purred like a kitten....but I smelled raw unburned gasoline. What the hell....it never smelled like that before. Under the hood I spy something ain't right....gasoline was run'n out the carburetor. What everybody knows ain't right. Gonna fix that this weekend with a brand spank'n new carburetor kit from Auto Zone.

For 6 years I been run'n the "little red bronco" with a computer what don't work right. So we gonna change that too. Maybe even a couple three them electronic thingabobs what tell the computer what to do in case of emergency. You know.....like won't start, or sounds like a Briggs and Stratton lawn mower motor.

And then, I have to take the tow bar base plate back off "that jeep" and re-manufacture it to fit back on the bronco. Remember all the work I did when I took it off the Bronco and put it on the Jeep???? Boy howdy was that ever a job.

I did tell ya bout how bad I stomped old pesky neighbor Wayne's ass on the golf course??? He sure didn't like that whoop'n at all. But then again,he never could beat me no matter how many eyes I had open. So you know what he up and done? Bought a brand spank'n new set of golf clubs. Then challenged me. Is he out of his mind? We'll see.