Tuesday, December 31, 2013

I did stupit.....

Ok, here's the deal.....this weather sucks. It's cold an' rainy almost ever day....there ain't no sunshine.

I don't know bout nobody else, but be'n cooped up in "da house" is not what I consider a good day. This ain't typical weather for the south Texas gulf coast. In fact, this is the kind of weather you would expect bout the end of February.....not December. But I ain't complain'n or nuttin like that ya know. Just look at the rest of the US.....my god, that's cold and miserable everwheres. Well, not everwheres, but almost. Did somebody say Florida???

The water temp at Falcon lake is 58. something degs, an' that ain't good for bass fish'n. They don't like cold water ya know. An' them females is full of eggs look'n for a place to spawn. The fish'n at Falcon lake is not good. But it will be right shortly. I'm think'n record catches of 12 pounds an' more. An' one 14 pounds plus for the old Billy Bob.

Laundry is done. All I got to do is put it all away. I hate laundry almost as much as I hate warsh'n dishes.

It's time for a Walmart run again. I'm almost out of gas, two more days of meds, down to my last $20 bill, the milk is sour, bread is hard an' I got rotten maters in the refrigerator. I remember way back when, we used to call a refrigerator a Kelvinator. See what I'm talk'n bout? Confused? Thought so.

Speak'n of refrigerators, did I ever tell ya bout the time.....uncle bringed home a 25 pound chunk of ice for homemade ice cream. To keep it from melt'n, it had to go in a cooler. Now this was way before Billy Bob had much common sense. I was think'n that chunk of ice will fit in the cooler, so's I slide the cooler over the ice to make sure it would fit.....only a couple inches to spare. Yee haw, it's gonna fit. (At least I was think'n.) Then I take the cooler back off the ice an' pick that chunk up by hand an' slide it down into the cooler. Only inches to spare huh? I'm freak'n stuck. "Moms....my hands are freez'n to death". You seen what I did there....right? I love homemade ice cream. And a wonderful uncle with enough common sense to get me unstuck from that cooler.

I done plenty of stupit stuff in my life time, the ice chest fiasco being one, but I never got hurt. Well, I did, but never bad. You know, broke bones, ambulances, hospitals....shit like that. I rekon I was just lucky all my life. Like the time I bumper jack up a car. Get under there pull'n on stuff, hit'n stuff with big ol' hammers....nut's an' bolts all over the ground. I get out from under there to get me a bigger hammer....the damn car fall slap on the ground all by itself. I was play'n "knight in shin'n armor" one time. My bicycle was my trusty steed. A long stick was my staff to knock that other knight slap off'n his horse (neighbors mailbox). I was go'n a hunnert mile a hour, or how ever fast a trusty steed will go an' I points that staff right at my opponents chest. My staff breaks an' I crash headlong into that damn mailbox. Mailbox post breaks, I'm tangle up in my bent bicycle lay'n on the ground....Jesus, I thought I was gonna die.  

Ok....enough memories for one day....laters.

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Sun shine on me......yeeee haaw

"Holy Crap, there's Billy Bob lay'n in  the ditch".
"Yeah, I seen him try'n to dodge that big ol' truck. He needs to stay off that "billy bike".

I was just sit'n there sip'n up a cup an' stuff, an' I got to think'n....the "billy bike" needs some exercise. Damn thing was kind of wobbly when we took off up the road. That's what happens to a bike when they just sit around an' don't do nuttin. The road is narrow an' full of pot holes from the big trucks go'n too fast. Not much room when the two of ya meet. That truck ain't gonna move over....he go'n a hunnert mile a hour. I go in the ditch to avoid a "no doubt in my mind" instant death. Nuttin broke, no pain. Take that "billy bike" back home an' park it.

0 to 148 mph in less then a second....and that's after shift'n out of reverse. That's how fast them guys was swing'n golf clubs yesterday....Long Drive Championship in Las Vegas. The guy what won the contest, and $250,000, swak that little white ball 220 mile a hour 427 yards. Shoot, I would win Barney all the time if'n I could swak a ball half that far...plus a few yards for good measure.

A couple days of sunshine an' warm sure do make a guy feel better. Roll the winders down in the car an' stuff like that. I have a hard time in the winter. I get cold an' cold hurts all the way to the bone.

Today is a perfect day for a nice round of golf. So that what I'm gonna do. Me an' OFM Barney. Then we gonna go eat some Mexican food. You're welcome to ride along, but don't be talk'n an' laugh'n an' stuff when I'm in my backswing. An' if I gotta foot the tab for the food, eat cheap. Ain't like I got money run'n out my ears ya know. Although I do got some money I ain't spent yet. Git it????....hahahaha. No I ain't gonna 'splain it to ya.

Ok, I got to get with the program. Get all syked up...swak a golf ball a mile or so.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Toot'n my horn....tooot toooot

Let me tell ya bout that trombone. You do want to know....right??
Well ya see, I just started high school. How I ever graderated from the 8th grade....hell I don't know, but they send me off to high school anyhows. First thing they did was put my in "girls" PE. But I already tole ya all bout that a while back. I had two choices, band or some kind of home ed class....cook'n an' sew'n, fold'n clothes....stuff like that. Well, I was a boy, an' boys don't do that kind of nonsense. Girlie stuff ya know. So's I choosed band. Never see a note in my life an' they expect Billy Bob to play notes?

Then they give me another choice....trombone or trombone. I thought that was cool. Sound like a truck horn ya know. I don't "no nuttin" bout no dad gum trombone, but I learn to play two notes. Don't ask me what note they was...the band instructor didn't even know. One sound like a elephant fart an' the other sound like a squeeky fart. Yeeee haw....I were a trombone player.

We had us a Christmas parade to perform in. Wear little Santa hats an stuff like that. I teel the band instructor I don't know how to play this thing. He says...."I know that". Tells me to pretend I know what I'm do'n.....don't be blow'n no notes. Just slide the doo hicky back an' forth. Nobody know the difference. I did that an' everthing come out pretty good....consider'n. I weren't too good at march'n neither.

I practice that trombone at home. Make dogs howl an' neighbors cringe at the sounds I was mak'n at all hours of the night. My favorite note was that dad gum 18 wheeler truck air horn. I had that one down to a tee. Every night before I go to bed, I go outside an' blow my favorite note loud as I can.

I been play'n this trombone for a while now. Should know a few tunes. All I knowed was truck horn, elephant fart an' squeeky fart.

We practice on the football field. Go this way an' go that way. That what they called march'n practice for the upcom'n football game Friday night. Come Friday during half time, we goes out there on the field. Go this way an' go that way....everbody not miss'n a note. Everbody but Billy Bob. I start play'n my three notes an' get all eat up with myself. I are a march'n three note trombone player. The band goes that way an' I got the other. Now I'm out there in the middle of the football field all by myself....tooot'n a damn trombone, while the rest of the band is climb'n the bleachers. By the time I get off that football field, I done made me a life chang'n decision.....I ain't never gonna be play'n no dad gum trombone again. I turned my back on band an' ain't never look back. Now this is how you bake a cake!!!

Pretty much a miserable day here at Billy Bob's house. It's 53 degs outside, been on an' off rain (sprinkles) all day long. Sadie Mae won't even go outside. All she do is sit over there on the couch an' look at me like it's all my fault. Not a good day any way ya look at it....not even for golf ball swak'n. Did I ever tell ya bout the time me an' old "pesky neighbor" Wayne played golf with snow on the ground? Deming, New Mexico....dead of winter. Yeee haw....damn it was cold.    

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Christmas at Billy Bob's house

I got up early this morn'n to see what Santa left me while I was sleep'n. There weren't a damn thing. I looked everwhere....in the refrigerator, under the bed, in the cabinets....there weren't nuttin. I know he was here 'cause there's reindeer shit all over my solar panels an' somebody busted my TV antenna. I got a ceiling vent broke to pieces where that fat bastard tried to "come down the chimney" through a 14 inch opening. Santa....you flat suck.

Nephew Joseph has a 24 pounds turkey smok'n in the BBQ thingy. Put that sucker in there last night at midnight. After smell'n mesquite smoke all night long, I'm not sure I want to eat smoke turkey when dinner is ready. For back up, there is a big ol' ham in the oven. I like baked ham.....yum yum eat'em up. I'm think'n we gonna have some good eats for Christmas. Then I gonna take me a freak'n nap I betcha.

I been try'n to get myself in a Christmas mood for a week. Watch'n Christmas stories on TV, listen'n to Christmas music.....stuff like that ya know. Being alone like I am, just knocks hell out of Christmas. Feels like any other day when ya ain't got nobody to share the festivities with. I think Christmas should include fireworks.
Cain't wait for July 4th so's I can get me some firecrackers an' blow stuff up.....yeee haw!!! I can do that an' don't need nobody to share with.

"Pssssst Billy Bob, check the fish'n report at Falcon lake" Ok, hold on a minute. Falcon Lake Tackle.

Is that a fish or is that a fish? There weren't no new fish'n report, but I was think'n ya might be interested in last weeks catch of the day. Boy howdy, I get'n excitis.

Remember'n back to last year at Falcon lake, an' watch'n the weather forecasts this year, I'm think'n in bout two weeks I'll be headed south with the rest of the snowbirds. They'll never know I ain't one of 'em.

Taste test done on the smoked turkey. Yup, I can do that.....damn good even if'n I do say so myself.


Monday, December 23, 2013

Go'n in circles

Oh crap, now look what I went an' done? My freeak'n feet are swoled up again. Ya see, I was feel'n these little needles things in my feet, numbness, itchy...stuff like that. I take my socks off....stand 'em up in a corner, an' take a look at my two puff up feet. That was yesterday....today is today, I ain't got no more swoled up feet. Figger that one out.

I didn't have nuttin to do last night, so I watch a full length 3 hour movie. Oliver Twist. Damn thing go on till 3am....an' it weren't nuttin like I was expect'n. Ain't never gonna watch that no more. I was expect'n to see a "grow up an' do something special" kind of movie. Damn kid never growed up an' never do nuttin special.

I need to make a trip to Port Aransas. Pick up my mail an' get me some pocket change from the bank. But I ain't go'n today. Or tomorrow. Dad gum holidays always fall on a day when I got stuff to do. Holidays be over in bout a week....right?

Cold front blowed in last night. Got down to 34 degs over here at "da house". Didn't bother me a bit....let 'er blow. From the looks of things, we only gonna have a couple days of these blizzard like conditions. "Poot Billy Bob, ain't no blizzards in south Texas".If I say there is, there is...git over it.

Yesterday I had to go back in my blogs an' look something up. That didn't take long with the search thingy. I spend close to 3 hours read'n some the stuff I wrote a couple or three years ago. I do this a couple times a year an' come back feel'n much better bout myself. Laughter is good medicine ya know. If'n I could still write like that, I wouldn't have a hard time find'n something to write about. Damn I hate lose'n my mind (memory).

Ok, we got to do something bout this house clean'n crap. I cain't do it by myself no more.....hint hint hoochi coochi wimmins. When I lived on the boat, a placed a ad for a first mate. Out of the woodwork came (crawled) all kinds of possible applicants....I mean to tell ya. Ain't got no teefs, a hunnert pound over weight, skinny like a fence post, kids tag'n along, boyfriends....all the kind of stuff first mates ain't suppose to be. One in particular, she turn out to be a illegal....an'...wait for this....a prostitute. Good look'n woman from Columbia....keeped her for a week. Keep the boat clean, cook for me, warsh my clothes, fix my coffee just right....treat me like I was a king or something. Then here come her mean ass little 12 year old "terror monster" kid to stay on the boat. If I ever want to throw a kid overboard, this was the one. Then her brother ain't got no place to stay. Who's next, her mother? Then one wonderful day, ICE come knock'n on my door. What the hell was her name? 

Some day I need to tell ya bout first mate Vickie Lynn.

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Christmas ain't like Christmas.....

The closer to Christmas day, the more depressed I get. Ya see, I don't do (participate) Christmas no more. Go head, call me a old grinch if'n ya want to. I turn my phone off the day before an' leave it off till the next year. Did I mention that I hate phones? Three minutes on a phone an' the conversation is over. It's not that I don't like Christmas or holidays in general, I just don't like what holidays have become.....commercialized and competition. Especially Christmas where everbody competes to be the biggest spender on the block. Christmas ain't about spend'n. Sheesh!!!!

But anyhows.....this year Christmas has been on my mind. I'm miss'n the kids an' grankids. With seven kids an' a whole shipp'n crate full on grankids, I got a lot to miss. All them festivities of scream'n kids, the rustle of wrapping paper being tore to shreds, the kitchen smells throughout the house.....a fresh cup of steam'n coffee......a big feed fest. I try my darnedest to not let Christmas bring me down, but damn, I can't just turn my thinker on an' off any ol' time I want to. I'm a thinker ya know. An' ya can't ignore Christmas like it was just another day.  
Early Merry Christmas to everbody!!!!

So what am I gonna do for Christmas? Well, nephew Joseph says I got to spend it with him an' family since I'm already camped here an' I don't eat much. Not the way I wanted to spend Christmas, but what the hell, I'm here an' I ain't got no other plans. Baa Hum Bug!!!!

I rekon that's all I got to say for today.


Saturday, December 21, 2013

Think'n back a few years

Housework done??? Well, not exactly. Ya see, there are times a man has just got to sit down an' think things over. Maybe close your eyes an' visualize what a clean house is gonna look like. That's pretty much what happen. I close my eyes an' I was out like a light. That's considered a nap if'n ya didn't know.

Now bout a nap. There onest was a time I could close my eyes for bout 15 minutes an' wake up "good to go". Ha....that was like 20 years ago. As time passed me by, those 15 minute naps turn into much longer naps. They change to a hour or more, an when I wake up, I be a little on the grouchy side an' I ain't gonna do nuttin when I'm grouchy. Ya git the picture??? Housework ain't done.

I used to be a hero. I had me a Play Station video game thingy. Shoot'em up, auto racing an' the latest Tiger Woods golf games. I was the most popular "papaw" on the face of the earth. As long as the grankids could play video games all day long. Boy howdy I sure do got me some good grankid memories. But that was ten an' more years ago. All them grankids is almost growed up now....think'n bout boyfriends an' girlfriends, cars an' pick up trucks, proms, graduation an' college....boyfriends an' girlfriends. It's hell go'n from first violin to second fiddle.

Did I ever tell ya bout the time....I was a violin player? Boy howdy let me tell ya, I hated that damn violin. Who ever heard of a adventurous, tear shit apart, ten year old boy play'n a freak'n violin? It just ain't gonna happen. My mean old dad used to make me practice on that thing. Practice what? How to break the bridge so's I don't have to practice? I cain't read no music notes wrote on a piece of paper. I don't know one string from a nuther. I don't like that "screech'n" sound it makes. I ain't play'n no violin....period. Now had that been a fiddle instead of a damned ol' long hair violin, I may have liked it an' learn how to play. So much for violins.

Did I ever tell ya bout my trombone in high school? Yes I went to high school....no matter what ya might be think'n. Did ya know if'n ya was to position that slide thingy just right an' squeezes your lips just right, a trombone sound just like a 18 wheeler air horn. Had me some fun with that long bout midnight many times. Piss them neighbors off pretty good.

Ok, I ain't got no more nonsense for the day.....I'm out of here. Housework??? Maybe.

Friday, December 20, 2013

Housework.....god I hate warsh'n dishes

I pushed the wrong button......a whole page of writ'n gone....poooof, just like that.

Ok, today is the dreaded housework day. I get'n tired of step'n over stuff an' kick'n stuff out my way, it's time to clean house. Dang, I still got groceries from a week ago what ain't been put up yet. Can goods, so don't be think'n I got froze food in there. I remember one time I left a couple bags of froze food out there in "that jeep"....over night for a couple days. Summer time, bout a hunnert degs. Well ya know what happen to those froze foods.....dumpster.

Didn't take me long to get all them dishes all warshed up. I hate warsh'n dishes. They all sit'n over there on the counter dry'n. Probly be there tomorrow morn'n too. I can see the counter for the first time in a week.....yeeee haw!!!

You can make your life as excit'n as ya want it. Ya don't have to please other people.....even though they some of 'em think ya do. I was read'n a blog. Kind of piss me off. The blogger ain't been updating his blog, so he gets beat up by some of his followers.....like he "owes" them or something like that. See how fast people will turn on ya if'n ya don't do an' say what they want ya to?

I really ain't got a thing to say, with all this housework an' all. I need to get some of it done before I decide "it's nap time". Sit'n here writ'n nonsense don't help a bit.....see ya!!!

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Let's go golf'n

Life is pretty darn good when you can go to bed when it's only 64 degs. outside. You think I'm kid'n don't ya? This is south Texas ya know.

Me an' that OFM guy Barney went golf'n yesterday. The weather was absolutely perfect for golf ball swak'n, or any other outdoor fun ya wanna have. We talk'n up in the upper 70's. We had so much fun on the golf course, we decided to have fun again today too. Hmmmmmm......did you see the weather forecast for today? 20 mile a hour wind??? I can do that.

Got a new noise in "that jeep". I suppose that's a indication that something is wrong. The last repair was chang'n the brake pads. Ok, why are the brakes mak'n noise? I'm think'n there was moisture on the brakes an' that where the noise come from. How the hell do ya explain what a noise sound like? I ain't even gonna try.

Ok, I got to do something bout my right foot. That sucker hurt all the time. I'm think'n it's time for a new pair of sandals. Ya see, when I go to swak a golf ball, my feet slide on the slick grass. Then my golf ball go off in the woods somewheres.

I bought me a quart of egg nog yesterday. That some the most awful tast'n stuff I ever did drink. Anybody want a used half a quart of egg nog? I betcha a dollar, who ever made this stuff, was follow'n some government regulations or something like that. I hate it when the government tells me what to eat or drink. Bastards.

I suppose ya seen on the news....don't use vitamin supplements no more. One (1) guy made that decision.....one guy. So now we got a billion dollar a year industry stand'n on the edge of a cliff....all 'cause of one guy didn't get his "kick back". That's all I have to say bout that.

Ok, I got things to do. See ya laters.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Bucket list is run'n on empty

Falcon lake is producing some fish. It's the start of the spawn. Even with the low water temps, the fish is headed for shallow water....lay some eggs an' raise some bass puppies.

Speak'n of Falcon lake, it ain't gonna be long till the old Billy Bob hooks up "that jeep" heads off that way. I hope to have better luck catch'n big ol' bass fish this year than I did last year. If'n ya ain't got some kind of boat, ya ain't gonna catch no 14 pounds bass. It was too windy for the "bubba boat" last year ya know, an' if'n ya remember, the lake was very low. Should be better this year. I don't remember if'n I froze to death or not. I know it was windy as hell though.

Accord'n to my Walmart special temp thingy, Monday morn'n it was 27 degs. Monday's 11am golf game was rescheduled for tomorrow...Wednesday. This morn'n it was 33 degs. By the time I got out of bed, it was up to 65 degs......an' rise'n. I can live with this.

I don't know bout nobody else, but I put a lot of thought into my future. I can sit there an' think all day long an' never get tired. I don't come up with any solutions or nuttin like that, but it's good to sit there an' dream.....or in some cases....scheme. Most my old dreams are tucked away in a drawer back there in the bed room. Maybe some day I'll go back there an' thumb through them. But I'm think'n those dreams are dead an' buried. I can just see me at my age jump'n off'n a bridge suspended by a freak'n rubber band. Yee gads....stupit young people do that.
Did I ever tell ya bout the time I stood in line at a carnival to bungee jump off'n a big ol' crane bout a hunnert feet high? Wife #2 keep tell'n me...."you're stupit, you can't do that". She call me stipit quite often ya know. When I get to the head of the line, the nice guy look me over an' says...."you cain't bungee jump in a back brace an' a walker". I was serious, an' so was he. So much for bungee jump'n.

Any bucket list I ever had is flat empty now days. I done did bout all the dangerous stuff I could think of....and survived to talk bout it. Remember my cousin in California what said she was surprised I was still alive? Bout all I put in a bucket now is comfort items. You know, like find'n a nice warm place to camp in the winter or a nice cool place to camp in the summer. Lay back, sip up a cup an' do some think'n. I'm comfortable with that an' maybe one or two days a week, I'm happy. Weather related ya know.

I still got it in my mind to take me a trip to Louisiana. Not to go alligator hunt'n or nuttin like that....sheesh, I ain't no fool. I'm think'n sit'n round listen'n to live cajun music, real cajun gumbo an' hoochi coochi cajun wimmins. Well, maybe not the hoochi coocki wimmins, but you know what I'm talk'n bout. There ain't nuttin wrong with hoocki coocki, but at me age....I don't think so.

Well, here we go with blogger again. Not refreshing.....grrrrrrrr!!!       

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Tater skin

"What the hell?.....my fried taters got skin on 'em". I don't usually get in a wad over little things like tater skins, but fried taters with skin on 'em ain't no little thing. My god, what do ya rekon a tater peeler is for? DUH!!!
What do ya do with a banana before ya eat it? See what I'm talk'n bout.

I was out in the yard yesterday swak'n me some golf balls.
"That's all I have to say bout that"....Gump.
*patiently waiting*

I just read a question...."do fish drink water?". I found that funny and laughed. Then I wondered if fish drink beer. And if so, do they get drunk?

Speak'n of fish.....do fish feel pain? According to "fish experts", yes they do and no they don't. It's a 50/50 deal, so the ball is in your court.

Ok, now bout fish hooks. If your intention is to murder a fish an' eat him later, it's fine to use a treble hook to catch 'em. That's a hook with 3 super sharp barbs on it ya know. If you are a sports fisherman, catch and release, the use of treble hooks is a no no. If you happen to be inconsiderate to the fish while "sport fish'n", an' ya use a treble hook anyhows, and the fish swallers the hook, do not attempt to remove it if it will cause damage to the fish. It will eventually dissolve and the fish will live a long an' fruitful life. Hook'n a fish by his lips will not kill a fish or make him overly uncomfortable.
Choose your hooks wisely.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Homebrew gold machine

Rich??? What you talk'n bout Vern. Ha Ha, the old Billy Bob like to bust a gut....while he count'n pennies for a loaf of bread an' some balony. "I'm broke honey, ya got to go find a job".

I used to watch them gold prospector programs on TV. Well hell, I can do that I betcha. I'm think'n it was long bout 2003 when I start do'n some internet research. I'm gonna build me a "gold git'n" dry washer an' get rich. That what I were think'n anyhows. Well, the fact of the matter is, that people don't get rich dig'n for gold.  It's a hobby, git over it. A expensive hobby.

I fount me some plans on the internet. A dry washer what all ya do is pour dirt in the top an' 24 karat gold bars come out the bottom.

My first attempt at building a dry washer was a "super sized" sucker upper model. Used for suck'n dirt an' shit out of cracks an' crevices. Work like a vacuum clean on steroids. 
 Well, the damn thing don't work. Only thing come out the bottom that thing was more dirt. Where the hell my gold? Salvaged what parts I could an' throwed the rest in the dumpster.....$$$$$.

Then I builded the "Gold Machine". That what I call it anyhows. This was my baby....after rebuilding an' modify'n a hunnert times.
As you can plainly see by the dust an' stuff, it's making gold. Ya see, what ya do, is ya throw ya some dirt in the top section, it falls down on the lower section, the lower section wiggles an' vibrates and then, pure gold falls out the bottom.
Well, gold prospect'n ain't really that simple. In fact, it's plumb ass hard work with very little monetary ($$$) reward. If'n ya find enough gold to pay for gas, you do'n a excellent job. Most don't.
 This is what I'm talk'n bout hard work....a hole that big don't dig it's self. 

Before ya haul all your gold prospecting equipment out the back of the truck an' set it all up, ya gotta first find a place that has been proven to have any gold in it. Ya don't just go out in the desert an' start digg'n. Ya got to "prospect" an' take samples for "color". Get on your hands an' knees, smell the dirt, look at the types of rocks, the plants....stuff like that. (Sampl'n is done with a gold pan an' a bunch of water).  If'n ya ain't never operate a gold pan, you'll hate it. Onest you see the first tiny piece of color in your pan, you'll love it. That's where "gold fever" got it's name.

I was prospect'n (search'n for a place to set up the "gold machine") in the Rademacher Hills, a gold bearing set of mountains just south of Ridgecrest Ca. I was look'n for color in my gold pan. Any color as long as it was gold. I fount me some, little pieces of gold in the bottom my pan. Yee haw, I are a prospector. Ok, you heard stories before....bout lost treasure an' lost gold mines. How the hell can I get lost in the Rademacher Hills? I should have mark the location on my BLM maps for when I come back tomorrow with the "gold machine". I never did find that location again.

If'n I was able to dig dirt today, I would be build'n me another "gold machine" an' get'n me some that gold. I be rich in nuttin flat.

Grrrrrrrrr....growl, bark an' stuff.....Dad gum Blogger not work'n again.

Friday, December 13, 2013

Don't be kick'n 'em when they down

I could'a went to the golf course this morn'n, but I rekon...I ain't go'n golf'n today. If'n it was a few degs warmer an' if'n I had got out of bed a couple hours earlier, I would be swak'n golf balls. It's 57 degsan' I didn't fall out of bed till 8:30. Well, I didn't actually "fall" out of bed, but I can guarantee it didn't take me very long to hit the floor. Ya see, I had me some them leg cramps bout three times last night. You talk bout jump'n out of bed....Yeee haw!!!

I'm think'n this crazy helicopter idea of mine is for the birds. Ha...for the birds....git it? Anyhows, I waste somewheres bout 4 or 7 hours yesterday read'n/research'n all bout remote control helicopters. I watch some of 'em fly on You Tube too. Well, I really didn't waste my time, I probly learn one more way how to save myself $1000....give or take a hunnert or two. Maybe I'll just go to Walmart an' pick me up one them little suckers ya fly inside "da house"....for bout $30....give or take. Naaa....that ain't my idea of a helicopter. *Idea scrapped*

Kick 'em when they down. You know what I'm talk'n bout.....don't ya? I don't feel good. I'm freak'n depressed. I'm bored. It's cold. I don't need to be kicked around like some stray dog. Just feed me some morsels, give me a place to sleep, say nice things to me an' I'll be your friend for life. There was this half starve German Sheppard dog come crawl'n up on the front porch. Probly weigh bout 25-30  pound. He was one pitiful look'n skinny dog. Somewhere's in his life he was throwed out to the dumpster. Kind of like the old Billy Bob was when he was younger. Probly mistreated too. He show up on "da porch" one day....all scraggly look'n an' stuff. I give him a drink an' feed him. Next day he back on "da porch". An' the next an' the next....an' so on. He was my newest bestest friend.

I keep that old skinny dog. Named him "Duke" 'cause he had that look of royalty. Duke went everwheres I went. He was my cook'n taster. Remember the spaghetti I make with Campbell's Tomato soup? He was my guard dog. Remember the cop what was scared to get out the car? He was always by my side....lick my hand, stuff like that. Ya see what I'm talk'n bout here? Don't be kick'n 'em when they down.....even if'n they ain't royalty. 

 I been hav'n a terrible time try'n to find a subject to talk about. I don't remember stuff like I used to.....Billy Bob is los'n his mind. I done told ya bout most my life from when I was a little feller up to today, the ups an' downs, the good an' bad times....my adventures an' misadventures. There ain't much left to talk bout. "Oh....did I ever tell ya bout the time.......???" 

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Bored to hell

Ok, what day is it? Ha, that reminds me of the commercial, but I didn't know today was "hump day" (camel "what day is it"). Not until I cheated an' look on my computer....today is Wednesday. There ain't nuttin special bout today that I need to know what day it is. It's just another day....right?

I was sit'n over there on the couch with my eyes closed, chin hang'n down on my chest, not quite asleep....I was swak'n golf balls. I'm think'n maybe Friday will be a good day for golf....if'n it don't rain.

I got me some golf clubs in my bag what I don't hit very well. You know, BaBaaam, I hit a tree or something like that. Time to take 'em out I rekon. "Ya cain't play golf with only one club Billy Bob".

If you're think'n bout go'n fish'n, no....it's too nasty cold for that. Now when I was younger, worked at the University of Texas in Port Aransas, I would go fish'n almost every night. Had me a little 800 watt generator an' a 500 watt quartz light. Boy howdy did them trout like that light. In the dead of winter, bout 55 degs or so, I was out on the pier fish'n. Hang my fish off the pier on a long rope. Did you know, dolphins would come up there an' strip all my fish slap off that rope in one bite? I don't do that kind of stuff no more. But I sure do miss it.

I sure would like to go fish'n. I'm think'n maybe this weekend would be a good time to go. I don't keep fish no more ya know. I fish for the sport, catch an' release. If'n I get really lucky an' catch me one, I just unhook it an' throw it back. Try to catch me another one. Boy howdy, I sure would like to go catch me up some fish.

Yeah, I'm bored all to hell an' gone. Clean'n house don't do nuttin for boredom, so I ain't gonna do no housework. I smell like a damned old goat, so I ain't gonna go out in public. Gonna freeze to death when I come out the shower. I ain't got no hobby projects to keep me busy, although I sure would like to have me a remote control helicopter.

Monday, December 9, 2013

Not a thing to write

I ain't chang'n nuttin. I like me like I am. I like what I do. I like the places I go. An' most of all, I like to take a nap. You ain't gonna never hear the old Billy Bob complain bout nuttin. Ha Ha....ya believe that don't ya?

I been cooped up way too long in "da house" with nuttin to do. This shit really sucks ya know. The only things I have to write about are my thoughts an' stuff I did in the past. Both what nobody really cares to hear about. When I fix something....nobody wants to hear bout that neither. But you let me break something or fall down an' hurt myself....well, "Yeee Haw"....everbody is right there to cheer me on. But dad gum it, lately I ain't had no opportunity to break nuttin, trip over stuff an' fall slap down or cause myself any serious injury. I'll have to work on that.

So what do ya think? Is this gonna be a winter to remember, or will global warming come to the rescue an' warm things up? When I think of global warming, I wonder who is gonna profit from it. Ya don't hear much any more from all them scientists after they got busted for altering data all over the place. Who's gonna profit? In case ya wanna know, the Arctic ice sheets have increased 60%. Google is your best friend.
Note to followers, No Fist Fighting please.

Ok, this ain't work'n. I don't know what to write.....so's I'm out of here.

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Ain't nowhere to get warm

This is attempt #3 to write something. There ain't nuttin there......pooooof, empty tank, just like that.

Some people call times like this "winter blues" or something like that. I call it "freez'n my ass off" an' it's too damn cold to go outside. I'm stay'n in "da house". You think I'm kid'n don't ya? Well I ain't....I don't like cold...an' I ain't go'n outside. When ya get up bout my age, you'll know what I'm talk'n bout.

Speak'n of cold....Boy Howdy, it's freak'n cold out there. There's RV people (snowbirds an' such make'n their way south) stranded all over the country in Walmart park'n lots, long side the road, camp grounds....all 'cause of blizards, snow, ice storms....nasty winter stuff. Now down here in south Texas, it might be a little cold an' stuff like that, but we ain't exactly stranded or nuttin like that. All we gotta do is hook up an' go to somewhere's warmer. But there ain't nowhere's warmer left to go where ya ain't gonna freeze slap to death.

A quick look at the weather in Zapata, Texas....Falcon Lake.....it's cold as the arctic there too. That's where I been wait'n to go. Not the arctic silly....Falcon Lake. There's a 14 pound bass what lives in there. I know, 'cause I saw him a couple years ago.

Ya see, I was out there on the lake in my little blow up "bubba boat".

Bout then, this great big ol' bass fish grab holt to my fish'n lure. He makes bout 4 jumps clean out the water.

Then he take off like a freight train, right up in a bunch of old dead brush an' tree stumps. He got my bass fish lure hang'n out his lips. He winds my line round one them tree stumps an' he ain't com'n out no matter how hard I pull. Stalemate if'n we was play'n chess. But he checkmate me in the end....broke my line slap off. Damn cheap Walmart fish'n line.
I'll get him this year I betcha.

Ok, I got things to do. *whip cracks* "Git this house clean up Billy Bob". Oh god....dishes!!!


Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Ol' crooked eye

Holy cows, it's 3:30pm. This has been one terrible day at the old Billy Bob's house. I'm think'n one too many days with out my drugs......Yee hawr, let's do some drugs.

Yesterday afternoon was the begin'n of "sleepy hollow". Weren't no way I could stay awake longer than a hour. Even when there was something good on the TV. I was just sit'n there do'n nuttin an' the next thing I know it was dark outside. I were dizzy, don't see straight. Went to bed really really early....bout 9:30pm. Straight to sleep. No toss an' turn. No weird thoughts. I was out like a light.

Then I get up really really early this morn'n....bout 6:45. That's really really early ya know. I'm clumsy, run into everthing. Cain't see straight (double vision) or what ever ya wanna call it. I'm think'n I got to go to Walmart. Get my prescriptions refilled an' buy me up some groceries. I hate have'n to take meds every day, but I rekon I learned me a lesson...I need them.....every day. 

Had a fight at Walmart. No, not a fist fight.....although there was this one lady....Boy Howdy, she ain't gonna git out my way for nuttin. Ya see, she got one them "kid hauler" carts bout 20 feets long. She park in the middle of the aisle, stand there an' just look at she shelves, not put'n anything in that cart. I asked her if'n she ever been shop'n before. She just give me a look....you know bout them looks don't ya....an' she don't say nuttin. Oh shoot, there she is again on the next aisle. "Come on lady, give me a break".
The fight was bout try'n to decide between "Billy Bob Chili" or "Billy Bob beef stew soup". So I bought the make'n for both. Chili is cook'n on the stove right now. Can ya smell it??? Gonna have me some chili spaghetti tonight. Yum yum. Dang, I forgot to buy Doritos. Think'n bout this....Doritos, cheddar cheese an' chili in a bowl. Make ya think of Frito pie don't it?

Ok, meds are kick'n in, chili is done...an' I'm hungry.   

Monday, December 2, 2013

This ain't winter.....or is it?

So what's the big deal with "winter"? Seems like it happens every year bout this time. Temps fall into the teens an' everbody start whinn'n bout how cold it is an' how they hate cold weather......know what I'm talk'n bout? If'n ya been pay'n attention to the weather guys on TV, you know another cold front is on the way south. Gonna be colder than.....well, you know what I'm talk'n bout. That's cold!!!
But it ain't gonna happen today. Not in south Texas anyhows.

I mention south Texas quite often an' I got good reason to. It's warmer than most parts of the country. You can go fish'n, spend a day at the beach, go golf'n....wear shorts, tee's an' go barefooted. And winter usually only last bout two or three weeks.....give or take a few days. If'n ya got tires on your house, there ain't no reason to be cold for months on end. Shovel'n snow an' shit like that.

I ain't always in the right place at the right time. Sometimes I get there a month too early or a month too late. An' sometimes it don't make no matter one way or the other. When I arrived in Deming, NM this year, it was hot. I left 6 weeks later 'cause it was cold. Poooof, just like that, summer turn to winter. I don't spend no more winters in Deming. Seems like this year, it's gonna be cold no matter where ya go. Dad gum global warming.

I'm go'n golf'n today. There, I said it. I used to get all excitis when we was gonna go somewheres....like DisneyLand, a fish'n/camp'n trip, go swim'n in the Atlantic Ocean....stuff like that. Sometimes ya only get to go bout onest a year. Ya lose sleep. Well, last night I lose sleep too. I've played golf before ya know, I shouldn't be all excitis. Maybe today I'll have me a good round of golf ball swak'n. Even if'n it ain't a good round, the Mexican food and spend'n the afternoon with a friend will be good.

So that's the way it is. Ya cain't change things that cain't be changed. Ya got to make the best of any situation. Have fun......an' get all excitis bout something.   

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Billy Bob an' sports

I been sit'n here think'n bout what I'm gonna do today. I rekon I could sit here another hour or so an' still not know.

I'll tell ya how bad it is, the old Billy Bob has been watch'n football. I don't like football. I don't like baseball neither. An' basketball.....oh hell no. Give me a good fish'n pole an' a couple golf balls, an' I'm happy with sports.

I remember one time I thought I was gonna be a football player. The coach assigned me as the center....that's the guy that hikes the ball an' then gets smashed into the ground by some great big  dude what weighs 250 pounds. I know, 'cause that what happen to me.....every time I hike the ball. One inning of this kind'a gameplay, an' I was finished with my silly idea to be a star football player. Ok, it weren't a inning with strike three you're out or nuttin like that. It was bout 15 minutes...tops. I tell the coach, "I cain't do this shit no more".

Then there was baseball. I was think'n, "what could be so hard bout this"? "The ball Billy Bob, the ball is a "very hard" ball". I got hit in the back with that hard ball. Hit on the head with that hard ball. I had lumps on top of lumps. One game an' I was finish with my baseball career. Sides that, I swing at the ball like a girl. Strike three, you're out.

I try to dribble a basketball one time. Ha, that was a experience I don't even want to remember. I was slap'n that ball one time for every 4 steps. The "Billy Bob dribble ya know". I throw the ball at the basket....gonna make me two points I betcha. Miss the whole damn backboard an' everthing. Not even close. I ain't never been worth a crap at basketball play'n. Coach send me to girls PE to play volleyball.

 Ok....I'm think'n shower an' a trip to Walmart. Out of meds for 4 days now....milk is sour an' bread is moldy. Ain't got no donuts.

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Now what do I do?

Who says Black Friday ain't everywhere? I went to the golf course yesterday an' what did I find? Long lines an' no shop'n (golf) carts. My god, there was a thousand people armed with bags of golf'n stiks swak'n golf balls into the trees, out of bounds an' into every water hazard on the course. It was old folks, some of 'em bout my age, all want'n to play a round at the same time. I didn't even get out the car. Well I did, but not for long. Did some ugly putt'n an' some ugly chip'n an' said "to hell with it". 

Back at "da house" I break out a Subway sammich I just bought. Boy howdy was I hungry.....an' then "boy howdy was I sleepy" or what? I cain't even eat a marshmeller without get'n sleepy. So's I take me a nap. I do that quite often ya know.

Then I got to think'n....."Billy Bob, you is lazy". Well, it ain't really that I'm lazy, I just don't want to do nuttin. It has all to do with "location". I'm in the wrong location...."el Rancho Abraham". Ya see, when I camp in Sinton, Texas, I'm a long ways from salt water, fresh water, Walmart, an' all the other places I like to go. I don't need to be in Sinton. So, the adventures of Billy Bob is at a standstill. I'm bout ready to hook up "that jeep" an' go down the road a piece. Let me think bout that for a bit an' I'll get back to ya.


Friday, November 29, 2013

My Friday is black

Boy howdy.....I sure gonna be glad when all this black friday thanksgiv'n holiday stuff is over. Not that I was chief cook an' dishwasher or nuttin like that. I don't do that kind of stuff no more. I'm a "sit back an' wait" kind of guy. Wait'n for somebody to to serve me up a big ol' plate full of goodies.

I had my smoked turkey. I had ham.....an' all that other stuff ya only get on Thanksgiv'n. Yup, I stuffed my face full an' had to take me a nap. When I waked up, it was dark outside. Ain't nobody sleep that long....two hours plus.

It's too dad gum nice outside to sit in "da house" all day. I'm think'n some golf ball swak'n would be a good way to spend the afternoon. *check'n wallet for loose change*. Dang, who been in my wallet? *breaks out my stash*. Ok, that's it, golf ball swak'n this afternoon. An' then hit up the local greasy Mexican food eatery. Yum yum boy howdy.

Ok.....I ain't got nuttin excit'n to write about today. I don't do excit'n stuff when I'm stuck in "da house" freez'n my buttocks off. It's been cold ya know. One night it got down to 30 degs. Brrrrrrr, that's way too cold for the old Billy Bob. But I ain't got no choice....it was cold everwheres.

Speak'n of sunshine an' warm weather.....my new charge controller is work'n like a charm.

Ok....things to do ya know. 


Wednesday, November 27, 2013

This turkey is froze

Whoa, is that a turkey bird I see?

Now let me tell ya bout wife #2 an' her "bake a turkey" fiasco. She don't like me, so she won't be read'n this...so I can say anything I want. It was Thanksgiving an' she ain't never bake no turkey before. She done run me slap out the kitchen, something bout she was gonna cook this "damn turkey" all by herself. It might be noted at this time, wife #2 needed a Betty Crocker cook book to boil water.

There was bang'n an' clang'n of pots an' pans, cuss'n, stuff break'n, more cuss'n, holler'n an' scream'n at the kids an' more cuss'n. The kitchen was no place to be. The aroma of flavorful food flowed throughout the house.....damn, I get'n hungry....eat me up some turkey an' stuff. 

The table is set, all this scrumptious food wait'n to be eat up....the turkey comes out the oven. Boy howdy, that one good look'n turkey I betcha. I takes a big ol' carv'n knife to make a cut.....oh wait, what's this? Stick'n out the hinney of that turkey is a little bag. You guessed it, a big ol' turkey neck, gizzard, heart an' liver....still froze solid like a brick. I make the first cut into the breast.....what the hell, it's still froze. I yank a leg off....it's still froze. "What the hell wife #2, did ya read the directions"??? Ya got to thaw a turkey before ya bake it. Everbody knows that. Wife #2 in tears, we head off to the nearest restaurant.

Anyhows, nephew Joseph is gonna smoke a turkey for Thanksgiv'n again this year. Hope to hell he thaws it first. Last year it come out perfect. Damn, I'm get'n hungry.

A lot of thought has gone into when I will go shop'n. For sure I don't want to go today, the day before Thanksgiv'n. There gonna be hunnerts of people buy'n up last minute stuff they forgot last week. Walmart would be the last place I would want to go. Then there's Friday. Black Friday. No, ain't gonna do that neither. If'n it weren't for run'n out of meds, I would wait till next week. May do that anyhows.

Was it cold last night? Well, you can bet yer bippy it was cold....34 degs. It's been a long time since I been caught up in one place that cold. There are other options.....like south. *Checks weather* My God, it's the same temps in Falcon Lake as it is here in Sinton.....give or take a couple degs. This should be the last of winter here, but then ya never know. Not long ago, 2009 or 2010, it snowed. I DON'T DO SNOW!!!

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Fish, pinto beans an' fried taters

I hope ya didn't wager too much on whether the old Billy Bob would go shop'n or not. Ya see, it were so cold outside, even Sadie Mae refused to go out an' chase them damn cats. No....I stayed home in a nice warm house ("Sally da house"). The weather forecasts predict temps in the 70's an' 80's in a few days....shop'n can wait.

By the way, the sun is shinn'n, 55 degs....what a beautiful day.

So, what's on the agenda? Ha, that's a silly question....there ain't nuttin on the agenda. As long as it's cold outside, I ain't gonna do nuttin. I ain't gonna go nowheres. I'm just gonna sit here an' bitch bout how cold it is outside.

But.....Falcon Lake is just down the road a piece. I been sit'n here think'n bout all them big fish down there, just wait'n for the old Billy Bob to catch 'em up. The "bubba boat" is all legal again with a secondary back-up battery an' a new registration on it. I got me a brand new fish'n reel, two fish poles...an' a mouth full of assorted worms. What could go wrong? "Well Billy Bob, ya could sink ya know". No smok'n in the "bubba boat". Betcha somebody remember that fiasco

Ya see, I was out there in deep water fish'n....with a smoke hang'n out my lips. Fish on. I rares back on my fish pole, knock that smoke clean out my lips an' burn a hole in the "bubba boat". Pooof, just like that, my ass is get'n wet...I'm sink'n.
Inks Lake 2011.

Did I ever tell ya bout the time....me an' wife #1 jump in my little fish'n boat. We got a pound or two of dead shrimps, 1 fish pole....an' some string (twine). Off in the distance I see "bait fish" jump'n in the water...scrambl'n for their lives. "Thar's fish in them thar waters". I puts a little piece of shrimp on my hook an' toss it out. I ain't catch nuttin. Meanwhile, wife #1 is put'n a hook on that string. She put a shrimp head on there....an' toss it out. Sheesh, you cain't catch no fish with a string an' a shrimp head....BAM, wife #1 has a fish on. She catch up a whole bunch of "speck" an' I ain't catch'n nuttin. We trade fish poles....by demand. "Gimme that string". Now she catch'n up fish on my fish pole an' I ain't catch nuttin on that damn piece of string. Well, I'll take credit for all the big 'uns. We run slap out of shrimps bait, it's time to call it a day. Over 80 pounds of fresh spotted sea trout slung over my shoulder, we head for home an' two hours of clean'n big ol' fish. Texas City dike 1968....give or take a year. Yum yum....fresh fried fish, pinto beans an' fried taters. Ya cain't beat that with a stik.


Monday, November 25, 2013

Contaminated drinking water

I hope you didn't wager too much of your hard earned cash on whether the old Billy Bob would wash up them dishes or not.

At 9pm last night, I was sit'n there watch'n....now git this....Mexican movies. Don't even ask why 'cause I don't even know. I put a pan full of dishes to soak. By 10pm, I had put the last fork in the drawer....dishes is done. Pay up. I were quite proud of that. 

Bad news for Sinton, Texas residents. A letter was sent out of a health warning notice to all residents of Sinton, Texas by the Sinton "water people" that....get this, your drinking water may be contaminated. MAY? be contaminated? They don't know? What the hell??? I been think'n now for the last week or so that my coffee don't taste right....like 6 month old grinds, or something like that. But it's the freak'n water....what is typical for Sinton. "Don't drink the da water Billy Bob....it MAY be contaminated". Sheesh...now I got to tote water. 

Tell me!!!
Who said the old Billy Bob don't cook good look'n biscuits? Don't need to say no more bout that. Them things are perfect.....yeee haw!!! Sure do wished I had me some sausage gravy.....yum boy howdy.

I sure do hate to go out in this weather....42 degs an' sprinkle rain. But it's a have to situation. I'm out of meds. I'm out of bread an' milk. I'm out of donuts. I need some soup make'ns. And I need some water what ain't contaminated. Closest Walmart is in Calallen, bout 20 mile. Get everthing I need in one stop shop'n.

Ok, that's the plan. Get me some warm clothes on an' go shop'n. Damn I hate cold weather.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Blue shirts an' blind dates

Kee kee kee......I don't do dishes an' shit like that. Well I do, just not yesterday. Probly ain't gonna today neither. With four clean forks in the drawer, there ain't no real reason to wet my hands with dishwater. That's the way I look at it anyhows.

I got me a new shirt one time. It were a beautiful shirt to me 'cause I never get no new shirts. It was dur'n the hard times, bout 1954....somewheres around there. This shirt as I recall, was a beautiful dark blue, my fav color an' had some kind of flowers all over it. Hell, I don't know....it could have been watermelons or animal critters. That don't matter. What matters is that it was a brand new shirt an' I was gonna wear it to school. I stick out like a sore thumb in that bright blue shirt.

This guy, he start mak'n fun of my shirt. He call it a girlie shirt..call me a sissy, or something like that. Hell, I don't know....maybe he don't like blue. So's I jist up an' punch him. I did stuff like that was I was grow'n up dur'n the hard times. Damn!!!....he punch me right back. One solid blow on the end of my nose. Like a faucet turn on, I got blood run out my nose....all over my brand new beautiful blue shirt....with flowers, watermelons or critters all over it....hell, I don't know. Now I'm gonna get a whoop'n for sure when I get home. Me an' this guy runs to the restroom. We stop my bleed'n nose first off. Then we wash that shirt like two Chinese washerwimmins. Make it brand spank'n new look'n again. We was best friends after all was said an' done, but to this day, I don't remember his name. I learnt me a good lesson that day....."don't wear a bright blue shirt to a fist fight".

Anyhows, it's still cold outside. Upper 40's if'n ya got to know. To me, that's cold, an' I ain't go'n outside for nuttin. "Ya could do the dishes Billy Bob...do some housework". Well yeah I rekon I could. If'n I was want'n to....but that ain't likely to happen. But then.....just maybe.

I went on a blind date one time...referring to a comment MsB made followed up by another by Shadowmoss...."what you talk'n bout fire Shadow". Anyhows, I arrive to pick up my blind date right on time. An' then I wait 30 minutes for her to get ready. Sit'n in the same room with her parents, a bull dog steel worker daddy an' a "I got my eye on you" mama kind of make me all sweaty an' nervous. We goes to a nice eat'n place an' get a winder booth, order some eats an' start ask'n questions....that's what "blind date" strangers do ya know. She's kind of pretty, somewhat on the trim side, polite....sits up straight, stuff like that. But that laugh an' her voice....let me tell ya. She talk like Minnie Mouse an' laugh like a walrus. An' then she "snort" like a hog ready for butcher. I'm try'n to keep a straight face ever time she go in her snort routine, but lose it before our food gets there. She gets pissed off an' tell me she's gonna tell her daddy. Out the door she go.....never to be seen or heard from again. Damn she scare hell out me.    

Saturday, November 23, 2013

We charg'n batteries

Yikes......it's cold out there. Well, I guess you could call it cold, I know I damn well do. The bad part is that it's gonna last a few more days, an a few more days locked up in "da house" is gonna drive me crazy. I mean, like what can you do in a little shack besides sit on yer ass, take naps an' watch TV?

Feel'n better is always a good thing. I'm not sick no more this morn'n. The old stomach is just sit'n here say'n..."feed me". That's probly where all the trouble started....eat'n "stuff". I ate some "stuff" the day before I got sick. I know from past experience, that "stuff" has and will make me sick. But I still eat "stuff".

No, I don't eat right....accord'n to what Mrs. Obama wants me to eat.....Grrrrr her. I ain't fat by any means, so what the hell, I eat what I want. I try to cook healthy meals, but by the time I eat 2 gallons of "one pot" whatever, I get burned out. "Where's that damn goat"? That's when I revert to eat'n more "stuff". An' that's when I usually get sick. 

Anyhows.....I got that new charge controller all hook up last night. It seems to be work'n just fine even thought there ain't no sunshine. See!!! An' you thought I didn't no nuttin bout solar.....ha.
There is still further testing to be done to the rest of the system, but that's outside. I ain't go'n outside today. 

Have ya ever got to where ya didn't want to go to bed? I sit here for the last three nights dread'n go'n to bed. Watch'n crap on TV I would never watch no matter what. Stay up till 3am. Ya see, when I lay there toss'n an' turn'n, try'n to go to sleep, my brain kicks in...high gear, an' all kind of weird stuff happens. My past, present an' future life unfolds before my wide open eyes. I see bugger mans over there in the corner. I hear sounds what ain't there. I forget where I'm at...."El Rancho Abraham RV Resort an' Damn Goat Farm". This ain't good. For god's sake, I need my beauty rest ya know.

Speak'n of beauty rest.....I took me a nap one time. An extended nap. When I wake up, it was get'n dark outside. So I get up an' fumble through the fridge for something to make for supper. I build me a great big ol' sammich from hell. Outside it's get'n brighter.....the sun is come'n up over the horizon. It's tomorrow....what the hell??? Ya ever done that???

Ok, I got dishes to do....maybe. Winders need washed on the inside. Maybe do some dust'n.....sweep the floor. You know, girlie stuff. God I hate housework. 

Friday, November 22, 2013

Crazy Horse

Boy howdy, I'm still alive. I had my doubts though. If it had only been stomach rumbles I could have handled that. But, oh hell no, I had me some terrible headaches what wouldn't go away, neck pain like somebody sucker punch me, an' somebody set a stick of dynamite off in my right hip. There was nothing excit'n happen at Billy Bob's house yesterday.   

I was ride'n a horse one time. The damn horse left me up there in the mountains to walk all the way back. Holy cows, that was way back in 1958. Ya see, I always wanted to be a cowboy, ride'n horses, throw'n cows on the ground....you know, stuff like that. Have ya ever go "cow tip'n" at night? Yeah, I did that too. Anyhows, I goes down to the horse rental place an' rent me up a big ol' horse. Gonna ride up to the mountains....ha, round up some stray steers, rustle up some outlaws. I are a cowboy ya know. I got me a African safari hat on, black Levies an' a tee an' a borried pair of ride'n boots. Didn't find no stray cows or any outlaws, just sand, rocks an' desert brush. Ain't see nobody. I was five mile from the horse rental place an' it were hot like blazes. That horse is sweat'n up a storm an' want'n to go to "da house". But I didn't know that at the time.

We stop for some refreshments an' a sammich I brung along. I pour some water in my African safari hat for the horse. He rolls them big black eyes at me, take a few swallers an'.....poooof, he was gone, just like that. He leave me stand'n there with a "dumb ass" look on my face. All I see is a dust trail go'n down in the valley. That horse was go'n home. Remember them "borried" boots I was tell'n ya bout? Well, they was bout two sizes too big. Blisters....did I ever tell ya bout blisters? My god, by the time I got down the mountain an' back home, I had blisters on top of blisters. Damn "crazy horse"!

*Snaps fingers*.....just like that, it's cold. First the rain come down in buckets. Then the wind pick up. The temp drop to 48 degs. Sure am glad I ain't in one them northern states, like North Texas. I really don't like this shit.


Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Upadted...Shoot....brain fried

Ok, today was a bust all the way around. Before I went off to meet up with Barney at the golf ball swak'n place, I like to puke my guts clean out. Boy howdy was I a sick puppy. Alka seltzer fix that right up for a little while.

We swak up a few golf balls, nuttin spectacular to mention here. Then I fall slap apart. Ball go over there an' hit a tree. Ya don't suppose to hit trees ya know. It only got worse. I quit keep'n score, an' then I just quit.

We go to eat some Mexican food. Well that don't work out too well neither. I'm sick again. Need to go home to "da house" an' sleep it off. Take me a Alka Seltzer first. Holy cows, today sucks.
Ok, so I hurt this morn'n from crawl'n up under "da house" trace'n out them blamed wires. Find out where they go an' what they for. An' I ain't done yet. Ya see, it's important to know how stuff works an' the only way to do that is "crawl up under da house". So for now, we are done with all this stuff until I install the new charge controller.

"I don't know". I say that quite often when I try to figger out something. That's when I grab me up some tools an' take stuff apart. I don't call up no certified professional fix it guy or nuttin like that. All they gonna do is "grab up some tools an' take stuff apart". Then charge me a hunnert dollar a hour.  

Whoa boy howdy....I cain't hit a golf ball worth a poop this morn'n. Went out there in the yard an' tee me up two balls. Swak the hell out 'em. Take me a big ol' macho swing.....BABAAAAM!!! One went over there, almost hit the neighbors house an' the other one went over there, bounce off a fence post. Ya haaa!!!....I'm ready for a round of golf ball swak'n.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Ain't nuttin to write

12.65 volts
13.02 volts
12.72 volts
13.20 volts.
If you figger that stuff out, you let me know soon as possible. I spend a dad gum 2 hour follow'n wires yesterday. Who ever hear of runn'n every single 12 volt wire to the front of a motorhome an' then runn'n the damn thing back to where it start from? These are big wires, like ya find on a earth mover Caterpillar bull dozer. I ain't figger nuttin out.

Check them solar panels out yesterday. We good to go on them suckers. New charge controller will be here Friday....Yeeee haw!!! BUT....as you can see from the above, we have a voltage issue. I love this kind of shit.

Now....somebody mentioned golf. Don't go blam'n the old Billy Bob, it weren't me. I'm think'n somewheres around 11am Wednesday morn'n would be a perfect time to swak some golf'n balls. See ya there.


Monday, November 18, 2013

I'm think'n Sinton Texas sucks

Boy howdy, who's idea was it to tear all this stuff apart? I have taken a simple little part replacement an' turn it into a major re-installation. I got wires stick'n out the wall, battery test'n stuff lay'n out there in the yard....done burn up (big ol' holes) a perfectly good pair of Wranglers with battery acid an' I ain't even got started yet.

Oh great....you should look outside. See all that fog stuff? Water drip'n off everthing? I'm gonna get wet I betcha. If this is the front the weather guys was talk'n bout....I ain't skeered, it's 77 degs. Ain't the first sign of any wind....nor sunshine.

That bump on the head yesterday morn'n didn't seem to affect my think'n none. I was up till 3am last night think'n bout stuff.

Back at "El Rancho Abraham", I can't think of one good thing to say. I been back for almost a week an' it's just like I never left. I'm think'n it's not a good place to be. First off, that damn goat comes in "da house" any ol' time he wants to. Then I have to beat hell out him with a flyswapper to get him back out.
I ain't got nobody to talk to. Nobody help me do stuff. I just sit here think'n...."this shit sucks". Dad gum dogs bark'n all the time. Sadie Mae sound asleep. Free camp'n ain't always what ya think it might be. I can feel another case of depression com'n on.

I always tried to live a excit'n life. Do stuff. Get up early in the morn'n rare'n to go. Go break something.
Go catch a fish.

Build a sail-cart
Go gold prospect'n..

.....excit'n stuff. Ain't none that stuff gonna happen in Sinton, Texas. 

Well, I got things to do. Order a charge controller an' start check'n out stuff in the solar system.


Sunday, November 17, 2013

Bang'n my head on the floor.....

Been a really bad day for the old Billy Bob. I was tell'n somebody the other day that I ain't fall down in a few months. Well, I did this morn'n. I was climb'n out of bed, do'n a hunnert mile a hour 'cause I had me a leg cramp. I was go'n "GD....GD....GD". Both legs was wrap up in a blanket. I bounce off a wall an' hit the floor head first. I lay there for a second...everthing is crookit. I still got that leg cramp ya know....jump up an' take care of that. I had a headache ever since. An' I still cain't see straight.  I need to lay down.

I'll tell ya bout the coffee grounds on the floor at another time....

This afternoon I'm feel'n much better. Watch me some TV an' eat up a big ol' steak sammich.

Ok.....I grab holt to my voltage check'n thingy...multimeter. Sorry ladies. I go outside an' check the voltage on the battery bank. 12.75 volts. Now that can't be right, the solar charge controller show 13.56 volts. So's I check the voltage at the battery wires connected to the charge controller. 13.00 volts. That ain't right neither. The next step will be to check the solar panel voltage....what should read 17.2 volts with the wires disconnected (open circuit voltage). I'll do that right now.....be back in a minute.Whoa....19.48. That too high....or is it? "Billy Bob, order a new charge controller". Google is your best friend.
Ok, forget all them solar panel voltages. The power voltage (wires connected) for my solar panels should be 17.7 volts an' the open circuit voltage (disconnected) should be 20 volts. The panels are fine. "Billy Bob, order a new charge controller". That's settled, this damn charge controller ain't no good.  Here goes another $300 bill. Free electricity from the sun is expensive. "Psssst Billy Bob, 10 or 15 nights of free boondock'n will pay for that charge controller". I feel better with that thought in mind.

Since I have the solar system all tore apart, I may as well check everthing all the ways from the roof, to the charge controller, to the batteries. That's a lot of wires to check.

Climb'n up there on the roof should prove to be something worth reading. I HATE that roof.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Nuttin but work for the old Billy Bob

MAN!!!! When people say they don't want to hear about golf, they don't want to hear nuttin bout golf.

Is it OK if'n I mention "batteries"?
I hook up that 40 amp charger to the house batteries. Turn it on an' "let 'er eat" for 3 hours. We put'n some serious amps in them batteries. By 6pm, it was darker 'an hell outside. I turn the charger off....gonna test the voltage drop until bed time....midnight (12.40 volts with some lights turn on).
In the mean time, I goes outside and check the battery cells using a hydrometer. Don't ask me to explain what a hydrometer is or how to use one, that's technical stuff.....but it's the only "correct" method of checking battery condition. Voltage readings are meaningless....kind of sorta. But we ain't go'n into that neither. I got a hydrometer reading of 1252 to 1255.

I runs inside an' do a Google search on "specific gravity" of batteries. I'm sit'n right on 85 to 88% full charged. This is good news.

Today I will fully charge the batteries, while at the same time do'n further tests on the charge controller and locating voltage drops. Fun huh? This mornings hydrometer reading is 1252....again very good news.

 There ain't no sunshine today. But the temp is way up there in the mid 80's (85). Another front is gonna blow through here tomorrow, but I ain't skeered of nuttin. Let 'er blow. Note to self....tie down the awning.

Friday, November 15, 2013

Summer??? in south Texas

Ya know what??? I like golf.

It was a beautiful morn'n when me an' OFM Barney meet up for an' excit'n round of "pasture pool" as some folks call it. They say pasture pool 'cause they don't understand the concept of professional golf ball swak'n. It's a macho thing to walk up to a little ball an' knock the hell out it....hard as ya can. Don't even give a care what direction it go, long as it goes bout a mile or so. Anybody can do that. But it takes a special skill to miss all them trees, not hit the ball into a freak'n lake, don't bonk nobody on the head an' knock 'em slap out....break winders an' stuff like that. Ya don't learn golf ball swak'n in one day.

We was optimistic when we step up to the first tee box.....BABAAAAM, we was both in the trees. Somewhere's over there in the rough. Didn't get no better for the old Billy Bob, but "dead eye" Barney calm right down....he's in the fairway most every shot. Barney score a great 42 on the front nine. That's when things changed......"new game" on the back nine. Barney fall slap apart an' Billy Bob regain'n some composure. After 18 holes, Barney is one up, with a nice score of 92. Billy Bob a nice 93.

Boy howdy, I don't feel so good this morn'n. I was sit'n over there on the couch, back hurt'n up a storm an' my lungs an' sinuses is drain'n. What the hell, they didn't do that in Del Rio. Humidity??? Different altitude?

But anyhows....."my god, it's absolutely beautiful outside". Got the door an' winders wide open.

Sadie Mae roll in some that "burrito" poop outside. "My god Sadie Mae, you stinks". I throwed her plumb out of bed last night. I ain't sleep'n with no dog what smells like burritos.

Ok...remember them batteries? We gonna do a test on 'em today. See if they will take a full charge. Hook up the 40 amps battery charger on 'em an' let 'em eat for the next day or two. I have my doubts.

Ok, I ain't got nuttin to talk about. I'm out of here. Things to do ya know..... 

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Home is where you is

I just don't know what to say......I'm freez'n in Sinton, Texas.

Ok, that's enough of that, the weather is beautiful. I'm look'n out the winders an' there ain't nuttin but sunshine out there. I ain't go'n outside yet 'cause it's still pretty damn cold out there. Would you believe.....it got down to 35 degs last night.....accord'n to my Walmart special temp thingy. An' it's warm'n up fast. This week end will be back up in the 80's.....but look out, there's another cold front headed this way next week. Enjoy the week end.

So what am I gonna do with all this beautiful weather? Well shoot, that's easy, I'm gonna go play a round of golf. Me an' OFM Barney got a tee time for 11am this morn'n just up the street. Be swak'n golf balls all over the place. Of course we will be eat'n up a whole pile of Mexican food after that excit'n round of golf.

It's good to be back in deeper south Texas on the coast of the Gulf of Mexico. After spend'n bout 1/3 of my life in the area, I rekon ya could kind of call it home. Not that I would like to spend the rest of my life here though. It's not perfect in any sense of the word. Far as I know, there ain't no where that's perfect. Well maybe Tahiti or somewhere's like that. Do they have a Walmart in Tahiti? Nothing is perfect without a Walmart.

Yesterday I lay around the house think'n. I ain't got it so bad. I'm retired, I got a bucket full of loose change, I got toys to play with, an' most of all, my house has got wheels. I can go somewheres. 

Speak'n of wheels, "that jeep" needs new shoes (front tires). "My God Billy Bob, how much you gonna spend on that damn thing"? Seem like everwhere I go, I got to fix something...or replace something. Grrrrrrrrr "that jeep". I'm too old for this shit.

Speak'n of old, how many old people do ya see ride'n a bicycle down the street. Or throw'n fish'n lures in the water. Or stand'n out on a golf course swak'n golf balls all over the place. Most old folks are sit'n at home in a recliner watch'n TV....or out there on "da porch" sip'n up a cup an' holler'n at the neighbor kids...."git out my yard". I rekon I'm still do'n Ok if'n I can still do that kind of stuff.

Ok....got things to do.....laters.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Waves break'n over the bow....we sail'n

So where did I leave off yesterday. As I recall, I had mentioned rain. I don't drive at night, nor do I drive in rain. That would be absolutely silly to do so.

Anyhows, I pulled out of San Pedro campground at 9:30 am, with expectations of out runn'n any rain. I did that....the roads were dry. I was hit'n bout a hunnert mile a hour headed east. All was fine. Until I plowed into a wind storm. I swear, 30 foots waves (30+mph wind) was break'n over the bow. The seas were rough...."Sally's" course changed with every break'n wave (wind gust). An' I still had 200 miles to go.

This went on for the next close to hunnert miles. We changed course to the south east. The winds are on the fore port quarter....for the next 60 miles. I grip'n on to that steer wheel, ain't gonna never let it go. Knuckles are turn'n blue. We almost there....only a hunnert mile to go.

As we turned south on I-37, the winds....still blown'n a hunnert mile a hour is behind us.....kind of sorta. Rear quarter. We fly'n...go right past the What'sit rest area...."gonna make it home tonight". Made a quick stop at the new to me Love's truck stop. "Sally" be need'n some more go juice. Note: Did not fill up in Del Rio....jist got a little bit (33 gallon).

Since we are on the subject of gas mileage, I know pretty close to "exactly" how far I can travel on 33 gallon of gasoline. For those of ya that either don't care how far you can go, or don't want to know, you gonna be call'n your emergency road service to bring you some fuel. On the other side of the coin, gas mileage is a darn good indication when something is wrong. As is in my case. My gas mileage has fallen to 8.2 mile a gallon from 9.8 in the last 9 years. My god, Sadie Mae an' "Sally" are the same age. Maybe they was born on the same day.

Ok, where was we. Oh yeah, we go'n a hunnert mile a hour headed south on I-37...destination Sinton, Texas. I pulls up in the road outside El Rancho Abraham, the damn gates are closed. There's two cars right where I gonna pull in. That damn goat comes run'n to see who it is. By 5:30, "that jeep" is unhooked an' "Sally da house" is sit'n in her berth....fresh coffee is brew'n. Electric an' water is hooked up. I'm camp'n.

Accord'n to my Walmart special thermometer thingy, it got down to 40 degs. last night. Brrrrrrr....that's cold. But, you think that bother the old Billy Bob? I was all wrap up in 20 pounds of blankets, didn't know nuttin bout no cold. Got up to the first light I see since yesterday at 9:30. Whoa boy howdy was I sleep'n good. No plans have been made for the day....due to the extreme cold an' 6 mile a hour winds. Hee hee hee, don't ya just love winter temps?

I'm think'n maybe tomorrow will be a good day to go swak some golf'n balls. Maybe eat up some great Mexican food at the "fart palace".....that what Barney calls it anyhows. You remember me eat'n there an' get'n stomach rumbles....right? Just a thought....think it over.

Ok, I got things to do. See ya tomorrow.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Leaving Del Rio behind

I waked up this morn'n to the sound of a garbage truck....trash cans bang'n, doors slam'n...."my God, I'm try'n to sleep here". Oh wait, it's Barney hook'n up his truck to his little bitty travel trailer. He's leaving. Pooooof....he's gone, just like that.

Today is departure day ya know, head south. There's a big ass storm headed this way an' Del Rio ain't where ya wanna be. When I think of big ass storms, I'm think'n blizzard conditions....hunnert mile a hour winds, rain, freez'n cold temps, power lines down....SNOW! Well, I don't suppose it's gonna be anywhere's that bad, but I ain't gonna be here to find out. 

As I sit here at my modified computer station sip'n up a cup, I look out the winders....it's freak'n rain'n out there. I'm all hooked up an' ready to roll. Soon I get that other eye open, I'm out of here. Have ya ever wake up in the morn'n an' look at something....an' the other eye is look'n at something else? Now ya know what I'm talk'n bout. It takes time an' good coffee to get both eyes focused on one object.

First stop, the Exxon station just up the road a piece. Put some go-jo in this big sucker so's I don't run out somewheres down the road. "Damn Sally, you drink too much".

See ya down the road a piece.....

Monday, November 11, 2013

Click like if you love Del Rio

Well. here goes nuttin....that's exactly what I got, nuttin. I can't even think of a funny story to write about.

So what's it about Del Rio, Texas that brings Billy Bob back time after time? Is it the fish'n? Well yeah, the fish'n is part of it. But this is the first year the fish'n sucked. I been here for 20 days an' all I catch was a couple three measly little fish. An I spend bout a hunnert dollars to do that. I sure do like my new fish'n reel though.....$75 for that sucker an' it ain't catch a fish yet.  Dad gum new fangled hi dollar reel aughter catch at least one fish. "Who's the sucker now Billy Bob"?

Right down the road a piece is my favorite shop'n place...Walmart. There's bout a hunnert eat 'em up places. One in particular, the Mexican restaurant where me an' OFM Barney eat at. Ya want cheap gasoline? Del Rio got it. Big ol' shop'n center an' a Home Depot.

Did I mention, half the wimmins in Del Rio are slim an' trim? Not that I'm shop'n for a slim an' trim lady or nuttin like that. Men just happen to notice stuff like that. 

I don't "walk", so that's not a reason I come to Del Rio. I would much rather sit back on "da porch" sip'n up a cup an' watch'n "other" people walk. Like the lady with the two dogs what come through the campground ever day. I want that little dog.
You can ride a bike to Del Rio if'n ya want to. I just ride around the campground. Ain't no way this old fart is gonna attempt to ride into town an' back....bout 15 mile round trip. I leave that kind of nonsense up to you young kids. At my age, I'm do'n good just to make it around the campground one time....bout half a mile....give or take. 

I like the hell out of the campground I stay at, San Pedro. But that road....holy cows, it's a mess. Big ol' rocks an' stuff in the road. Road maintenance crew don't know nuttin bout fix'n roads. At $2 a day, I could stay here for months. But even at $2 a day, I ain't stay'n here an' freez'n half to death. That's the reason I left last year....it was get'n too cold for the old Billy Bob to be comfortable. But shoot, anywheres ya go in winter, ya gonna have uncomfortable days. Blue northers, wind, rain....stuff like that. "Don't mess with "mama nature" Billy Bob, she'll beat yer ass with a hickory stik".

Yesterday was a beautiful day. Sit out there on "da porch" sip'n up a cup an' think'n. Swak me some golf balls. Ride the "billy bike". Ya cain't beat that with a stik. Not cold last night neither....58 degs. BUT.....today sucks. Ain't the first ray of sunshine....anywheres. It's chilly out there. Enough wind to make yer bones ache. An' I got work to do out there. Break camp an' hook up "that jeep" for tomorrows departure. Sadie Mae says...."yeah, go ride".

Will I ever come back to Del Rio? You betcha I will. I like Del Rio. Maybe next time I'll come a little earlier so's I don't freeze my yang off. I'm think'n October with plans to leave the first part of November.

That's it for one day....I got things to do. 


Sunday, November 10, 2013

"Don't eat the chili"

"Don't eat the chili"!!! Holy cows, who made this stuff?

Ya see, I was want'n some Billy Bob south Texas chili. I picked up all the make'ns at Walmart. Throwed it all in a big ol' pot an' commenced to cook'n. "That sure are a lot of grease in that pot Billy Bob". A little grease never hurt nobody....I keep on a cook'n. I throws all the season'n in there......something don't taste right. Generic shit....never use generic season'n in a pot of chili...."ya cheap bastard"!

It tastes somewhat like chili, not what I was expect'n. I grabs up a bowl full. OK, I can eat that. "You gonna be sicker an' a dog Billy Bob....don't eat it". Boy howdy you got that right. I was burn'n all the ways down to my toenails.....burp'n an' fart'n all night long. OFM Barney thinked it was funny. Alka Seltzer fix anything. Well most times it do.

I feel so bad this morn'n I didn't even get up. Just lay there in bed feel'n sorry for myself. Bout 9:30 I roll out of bed. I got things to do in the bathroom....brush my hair ya know. What the hell did I eat?

Actually, yesterday was a beautiful day. The sun was shin'n, it was warm an' not much wind to speak of. I'm go'n fish'n. I puts a big ol' green worm on my hook an' I heads for the fish'n hole. Ok, so there ain't no fish. That ain't my fault. These last few days of terrible weather spook them fish.....scare hell out 'em. That's my story......may as well stick to it.

Sadie Mae says "let's go to the other fish'n hole". There's got to be fish there in all them rocks an' boulders, drop offs an' stuff like that. Ain't no fish there neither. Where all the fish? Anyhows, I ain't catch me up no fish yesterday. An' I did try.

What I'm gonna do today is probly start get'n "Sally da house" ready to roll south in the next few days. Ain't in no big hurry ya know, but damn, it's get'n cold in Del Rio. Any time I have to sit in "da house" all day look'n out the winders, it's time to change location. But what the hell, it's winter, that's what folks do when it's too cold to go outside. By south Texas standards, cold is in the lower 40's at night an' below 65 in the day time. We got that clear....right?  *Dad gum yankees an' Canadians probly laugh'n their azz's off at the old Billy Bob freez'n his azz off* I'll buy that.


Saturday, November 9, 2013

Brrrrrrr last night

Ya see, I was just sit'n here read'n some of the blogs. Poooof, internet is gone, just like that. Dad gum thing don't do nuttin. So's I reboot my computer....or I try to reboot my computer. Oh Oh, update. I got auto update turn OFF, why is it updating? Now, where the hell is the "control panel" on Windows 8?....I accidentally find it. Probly never find it again. What the hell, failed updates an' the damn thing is set back to auto update. I fix that. Have to sign in to everthing again with my secret password.....what is supposed to be automatic. An' it ain't. Does anybody love Windows 8?

Ok, here's the deal. I like to freeze to death last night. It was cold....by south Texas standards anyhows (46 degs). If'n you a yankee snowbird from the northern states, or from Canada, you would love it. But the old Billy Bob don't want no part of it....but you already know that. I'm think'n it's time to roll these wheels.....south. "You think it's cold now Billy Bob, you jist wait till wednesday morn'n" Predicted low of 39 degs. or less. I hope it snows.

So that's what I'm gonna do here in a few days....head south. Earlier than I was plan'n on, but I ain't stay'n here all miserable an' stuff. I'll spend one night at a rest area on I-37 south before destination Sinton, Texas. I got free park'n there ya know..."El Rancho Abraham". That's where that "damn goat" lives ya know.

There's a slight possibility I could go catch me up a fish today. I ain't all excitis bout the wind blow'n, but I are a fisherman ya know. Dad gum wind. I done pay almost a hunnert dollar for a brand new fish'n reel an' I ain't even catch a fish on it yet. Maybe today. Dad gum wind.

We got sunshine. Yee haw. But it's still a bit nippy out there......by south Texas standards anyhows (65 degs). Batteries will get a charge today what they ain't had in bout 4 days. Love my south Texas sunshine. Make ya feel warm all over....'cept'n for maybe a cold heart.

Ok.....come on Verizon, do your thing....publish this post. See ya all laters.

Friday, November 8, 2013

Golf'n lessons

That dad gum Barney, he don't know nuttin bout 'splain'n stuff. If'n ya want your readers to feel the frustration, ya got to "splain" to 'em in detail. It's OK to to leave out all the cuss'n words an' throw'n clubs at trees......stuff like that, some people don't understand that stuff anyhows.

Golf!!! Ya wanna hear bout golf? Well let me tell ya. Me an' Barney been wait'n impatiently for days for a chance to "check out" the Del Rio golf'n course. We even practice back at the campgrounds swak'n balls out of little clumps of  "weed" grass, bounc'n 'em off'n big ol' rocks an' off garbage cans an' stuff in other campsites. We was fired up....we was all excitis.

This ain't no regular golf course like we are familiar with. Just off hand, I would say this a a very poorly designed an' poorly maintained golf course. And very over priced for what they are sell'n.
"That's all I have to say bout that"....Gump. 

Now I ain't say'n that the condition of the course had anything to do with the way we played. We sucked...took 14 strokes to get to the first green, an' that was a par 3. Finally reach'n that first green, we find a nice lawn, not a maintained green, all full of little holes an' sand all over the place....a few dead spots right where we gonna be putt'n.....leaves an' stuff. The greens grass ain't been cut in a week or more. But....we played on anyhows think'n it could only get better.

It got worse. We both become frustrated. Swak'n balls just to be swak'n balls....not care'n where they went. What we didn't have much control of anyhows.....we sucked. After we finished the first 9 holes....that was it. "I ain't never gonna play golf in Del Rio no more".

Bout 6pm last night, me an' Barney head for town. Fill up our faces with some good home cook'n. Well, that ain't exactly what happen. We go to the Sirloin Stockade. Everthing taste like rubber. Been sit'n way too long on the serving lines (then later that night I get sick). Won't be eat'n at the Sirloin Stockade no more. 

The weather in Del Rio is far from perfect.  For me, perfect would be upper 70's day time an' lower 60's night time, with no wind an' plenty of sunshine. Well, it ain't. Been have'n to use the Mr Heater ever night before I go to bed an' fire it up again in the morn'n. I hope this is just a passing thing.....cold front.

There ain't been no sunshine in the last couple days, an' there ain't none again this morn'n. This sucks. My batteries are low....need sunshine to charge.....but I ain't gonna go into batteries this morn'n. "Psssst Billy Bob, ya could hook up the battery charger an' run the generator for a while".

It's crossed my mind to hook up "that jeep" an' head further south. Spend a dad gum two hours look'n at the Rand McNally. That's my trusted GPS ya know. Well shoot, there ain't no where to go. Every place north of San Antonio is cold just like it is here in Del Rio.....or colder. There ain't no where to go south of San Antonio that sparks my interest in the least. Dad gum old folks sure are hard to please.

Sure is good to see MsB is back from her excit'n trip to Terlingua. Welcome home MsB.....silly girl.

*A while later*....I see my blog post did not refresh, or what ever ya call it, to the top of other blogs. Still shows yesterdays post. Will this update fix it??? Who knows. 

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Dag gum cold weather

Yeee haw.....the wind is blow'n a hunnert mile a hour an' it's cold out there. That was yesterday when me an' Barney had plans to go swak some golf'n balls. We didn't go due to the extreme weather conditions. Possibility of today.....if'n it warms up to bout 70 degs an' some sunshine come out. Slim chance on the sunshine.

But we did go eat some mighty fine Mexican food. Barny tastes the green salsa. He says..."man, that's hot". I tastes me up some that green salsa. I says to the nice waitress lady..."bring me some ice water". Barney was right, that stuff was hot.....as he giggles while tears are run'n down my face. As usual, the food was perfect an' we both ate more than we should have.....we gonna get fat eat'n like this.

Back at "da house", I cain't get my mine off them dad gum batteries. Sorry ladies, but men think bout batteries an' stuff like that. Barney brings me over a hydrometer......Oh, I forgot, Barney lives right across the street from me now. We neighbors again. Anyhows, I stick that hydrometer in them batteries. Hot dog, all the cell readings are the same. That means either ALL of the cells are bad, or none of 'em are bad. But that still don't mean the batteries didn't die when I run 'em slap out of water. Ok ladies, we done with technical stuff....for now.

Was a bit chilly last night. Ain't talk'n into the 30's or nuttin like that, but I lost a blanket last night. I wake up at 6am, it's dark outside,,,, an' I got little goose bumps,,, an' my feet is cold......got to pee too. Took care of all that an' sleep till 8am. It's 50 degs.

 I 'member one time, me an' first mate Vickie Lynn go to Big Bend National Park. That's in Texas ya know. How was I to know it was winter in Big Bend, I was in shorts an' a tee. We got a sheet on the bed. One sheet, a damn rat terrier dog an' Webster the cat. Blankets are stored in a compartment under "Alice". It weren't even midnight yet an' it was get'n some kind of cold. The furnace done run the house battery slap dead by 2am. Ain't got no heat. It's frick'n 14 degs outside...."Vickie Lynn, go get some blankets". Be'n we from a area where it seldom get's under 40 degs at night, we had nuttin but two "skinny" blankets. Not designed for sub-arctic temperatures. My god, we like to froze slap to death for the next 3 nights. I don't do cold no more.

Ok, that's all the excitement I can muster up for one day. Stay tuned for more excit'n stories.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Who blow'n that horn...scare hell out me

Well crap....there went I good start on a blog post.....hit a button, poooof, it's gone.

Anyhows, as I was say'n......we got sunshine. Not a whole sky full, 'cause of the clouds, but it's sunshine none the less. I like sunshine.....

I burn the hell out a couple fingers last night. Ya see, there was this bug landed on the light over the couch. I swak the hell out him with my flyswapper. The light come on. Then it get bright, then dim an' then back to bright. With the cover removed, I grab holt to the light bub.....holy crap, that sucker is some kind of hot. The inside contact thingy is melt'n. Just thought you would like to hear bout that.

So, what about yesterday? Well, after the sun start shin'n, I figgered I would go check on Barney over at the other campground. Maybe talk him into a round of golf. Barney likes golf too ya know. He ain't home. It's bout lunch time, so I head a straight shot to Whataburger....Barney's favorite eat'em up. He ain't there neither. Maybe he's at the golf course swak'n some practice balls. Nope, he ain't there neither. I says, hell, it's almost 1pm....I'm hungry. "Subway Billy Bob, let's go to Subway". I get me a big ol' sammich just the way I like it. And a dozen of them fresh baked cookies......Yum boy howdy.

I'm sit'n out there on "da porch". Done eat up half that sammich....I grabs holt to a golf'n club. Swak some balls to the other end of the campground. Well, half way anyhows. Somebody blow'n a freak'n loud ass horn while I'm in my wind up. It's Barney. He come to visit for a bit an' tell me he been all over town look'n for me.

We sit there an' talk. Mostly bout my battery situation. (A few days ago Barney suggested my charge controller could be mess up). Of course I tell him that's BS. I go inside "da house", "b"slap hell out that charge controller a couple times....the voltage readings go plumb crazy....it ain't charg'n nuttin now. "Ya did it up good Billy Bob....ya done broke the damn thing". Score one point for the OFM Barney, none for Billy Bob. I piddle round, get it work'n again....I'm good to go. Good to go till I get a new charge controller. That's the first step since I cain't find nuttin else wrong.....yet.

I read all the other "travel" blogs. I say to myself...."damn, I wish I could still do that". There's people all over the country run'n round in big ol' motorhomes, 5th wheels an' little bitty travel trailers....sight see'n an' be'n tourist. Mostly they run'n from the colder temps up north in search of warmer weather further south. "Snowbirds" do that ya know. I'm already in the south, so I ain't got nowheres to run to. Here's the good thing though, I'm happy with the way I travel in 2013. The old "get on the road again" thing ain't for me no more. Give me a nice warm place to lay back an' enjoy my surroundings, do a little bit of "nuttins", go fish'n, swak a golf ball.....I'm content with that. 

Barney help me adjust the handlebars an' seat on the "billy bike" yesterday. I jumps on an' take me a ride. What the hell, my legs don't hurt. Well, maybe a little. More days like this an' I'll be tak'n a ride to El Paso an' back.

Golf game somewheres bout 1pm today. Sure hope this wind dies down before we show up to make fools of ourselves. That would be Barney an' me.

Ok, I got things to do. Nuttin excit'n if that's what you're think'n.