Tuesday, December 31, 2013

I did stupit.....

Ok, here's the deal.....this weather sucks. It's cold an' rainy almost ever day....there ain't no sunshine.

I don't know bout nobody else, but be'n cooped up in "da house" is not what I consider a good day. This ain't typical weather for the south Texas gulf coast. In fact, this is the kind of weather you would expect bout the end of February.....not December. But I ain't complain'n or nuttin like that ya know. Just look at the rest of the US.....my god, that's cold and miserable everwheres. Well, not everwheres, but almost. Did somebody say Florida???

The water temp at Falcon lake is 58. something degs, an' that ain't good for bass fish'n. They don't like cold water ya know. An' them females is full of eggs look'n for a place to spawn. The fish'n at Falcon lake is not good. But it will be right shortly. I'm think'n record catches of 12 pounds an' more. An' one 14 pounds plus for the old Billy Bob.

Laundry is done. All I got to do is put it all away. I hate laundry almost as much as I hate warsh'n dishes.

It's time for a Walmart run again. I'm almost out of gas, two more days of meds, down to my last $20 bill, the milk is sour, bread is hard an' I got rotten maters in the refrigerator. I remember way back when, we used to call a refrigerator a Kelvinator. See what I'm talk'n bout? Confused? Thought so.

Speak'n of refrigerators, did I ever tell ya bout the time.....uncle bringed home a 25 pound chunk of ice for homemade ice cream. To keep it from melt'n, it had to go in a cooler. Now this was way before Billy Bob had much common sense. I was think'n that chunk of ice will fit in the cooler, so's I slide the cooler over the ice to make sure it would fit.....only a couple inches to spare. Yee haw, it's gonna fit. (At least I was think'n.) Then I take the cooler back off the ice an' pick that chunk up by hand an' slide it down into the cooler. Only inches to spare huh? I'm freak'n stuck. "Moms....my hands are freez'n to death". You seen what I did there....right? I love homemade ice cream. And a wonderful uncle with enough common sense to get me unstuck from that cooler.

I done plenty of stupit stuff in my life time, the ice chest fiasco being one, but I never got hurt. Well, I did, but never bad. You know, broke bones, ambulances, hospitals....shit like that. I rekon I was just lucky all my life. Like the time I bumper jack up a car. Get under there pull'n on stuff, hit'n stuff with big ol' hammers....nut's an' bolts all over the ground. I get out from under there to get me a bigger hammer....the damn car fall slap on the ground all by itself. I was play'n "knight in shin'n armor" one time. My bicycle was my trusty steed. A long stick was my staff to knock that other knight slap off'n his horse (neighbors mailbox). I was go'n a hunnert mile a hour, or how ever fast a trusty steed will go an' I points that staff right at my opponents chest. My staff breaks an' I crash headlong into that damn mailbox. Mailbox post breaks, I'm tangle up in my bent bicycle lay'n on the ground....Jesus, I thought I was gonna die.  

Ok....enough memories for one day....laters.

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Sun shine on me......yeeee haaw

"Holy Crap, there's Billy Bob lay'n in  the ditch".
"Yeah, I seen him try'n to dodge that big ol' truck. He needs to stay off that "billy bike".

I was just sit'n there sip'n up a cup an' stuff, an' I got to think'n....the "billy bike" needs some exercise. Damn thing was kind of wobbly when we took off up the road. That's what happens to a bike when they just sit around an' don't do nuttin. The road is narrow an' full of pot holes from the big trucks go'n too fast. Not much room when the two of ya meet. That truck ain't gonna move over....he go'n a hunnert mile a hour. I go in the ditch to avoid a "no doubt in my mind" instant death. Nuttin broke, no pain. Take that "billy bike" back home an' park it.

0 to 148 mph in less then a second....and that's after shift'n out of reverse. That's how fast them guys was swing'n golf clubs yesterday....Long Drive Championship in Las Vegas. The guy what won the contest, and $250,000, swak that little white ball 220 mile a hour 427 yards. Shoot, I would win Barney all the time if'n I could swak a ball half that far...plus a few yards for good measure.

A couple days of sunshine an' warm sure do make a guy feel better. Roll the winders down in the car an' stuff like that. I have a hard time in the winter. I get cold an' cold hurts all the way to the bone.

Today is a perfect day for a nice round of golf. So that what I'm gonna do. Me an' OFM Barney. Then we gonna go eat some Mexican food. You're welcome to ride along, but don't be talk'n an' laugh'n an' stuff when I'm in my backswing. An' if I gotta foot the tab for the food, eat cheap. Ain't like I got money run'n out my ears ya know. Although I do got some money I ain't spent yet. Git it????....hahahaha. No I ain't gonna 'splain it to ya.

Ok, I got to get with the program. Get all syked up...swak a golf ball a mile or so.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Toot'n my horn....tooot toooot

Let me tell ya bout that trombone. You do want to know....right??
Well ya see, I just started high school. How I ever graderated from the 8th grade....hell I don't know, but they send me off to high school anyhows. First thing they did was put my in "girls" PE. But I already tole ya all bout that a while back. I had two choices, band or some kind of home ed class....cook'n an' sew'n, fold'n clothes....stuff like that. Well, I was a boy, an' boys don't do that kind of nonsense. Girlie stuff ya know. So's I choosed band. Never see a note in my life an' they expect Billy Bob to play notes?

Then they give me another choice....trombone or trombone. I thought that was cool. Sound like a truck horn ya know. I don't "no nuttin" bout no dad gum trombone, but I learn to play two notes. Don't ask me what note they was...the band instructor didn't even know. One sound like a elephant fart an' the other sound like a squeeky fart. Yeeee haw....I were a trombone player.

We had us a Christmas parade to perform in. Wear little Santa hats an stuff like that. I teel the band instructor I don't know how to play this thing. He says...."I know that". Tells me to pretend I know what I'm do'n.....don't be blow'n no notes. Just slide the doo hicky back an' forth. Nobody know the difference. I did that an' everthing come out pretty good....consider'n. I weren't too good at march'n neither.

I practice that trombone at home. Make dogs howl an' neighbors cringe at the sounds I was mak'n at all hours of the night. My favorite note was that dad gum 18 wheeler truck air horn. I had that one down to a tee. Every night before I go to bed, I go outside an' blow my favorite note loud as I can.

I been play'n this trombone for a while now. Should know a few tunes. All I knowed was truck horn, elephant fart an' squeeky fart.

We practice on the football field. Go this way an' go that way. That what they called march'n practice for the upcom'n football game Friday night. Come Friday during half time, we goes out there on the field. Go this way an' go that way....everbody not miss'n a note. Everbody but Billy Bob. I start play'n my three notes an' get all eat up with myself. I are a march'n three note trombone player. The band goes that way an' I got the other. Now I'm out there in the middle of the football field all by myself....tooot'n a damn trombone, while the rest of the band is climb'n the bleachers. By the time I get off that football field, I done made me a life chang'n decision.....I ain't never gonna be play'n no dad gum trombone again. I turned my back on band an' ain't never look back. Now this is how you bake a cake!!!

Pretty much a miserable day here at Billy Bob's house. It's 53 degs outside, been on an' off rain (sprinkles) all day long. Sadie Mae won't even go outside. All she do is sit over there on the couch an' look at me like it's all my fault. Not a good day any way ya look at it....not even for golf ball swak'n. Did I ever tell ya bout the time me an' old "pesky neighbor" Wayne played golf with snow on the ground? Deming, New Mexico....dead of winter. Yeee haw....damn it was cold.    

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Christmas at Billy Bob's house

I got up early this morn'n to see what Santa left me while I was sleep'n. There weren't a damn thing. I looked everwhere....in the refrigerator, under the bed, in the cabinets....there weren't nuttin. I know he was here 'cause there's reindeer shit all over my solar panels an' somebody busted my TV antenna. I got a ceiling vent broke to pieces where that fat bastard tried to "come down the chimney" through a 14 inch opening. Santa....you flat suck.

Nephew Joseph has a 24 pounds turkey smok'n in the BBQ thingy. Put that sucker in there last night at midnight. After smell'n mesquite smoke all night long, I'm not sure I want to eat smoke turkey when dinner is ready. For back up, there is a big ol' ham in the oven. I like baked ham.....yum yum eat'em up. I'm think'n we gonna have some good eats for Christmas. Then I gonna take me a freak'n nap I betcha.

I been try'n to get myself in a Christmas mood for a week. Watch'n Christmas stories on TV, listen'n to Christmas music.....stuff like that ya know. Being alone like I am, just knocks hell out of Christmas. Feels like any other day when ya ain't got nobody to share the festivities with. I think Christmas should include fireworks.
Cain't wait for July 4th so's I can get me some firecrackers an' blow stuff up.....yeee haw!!! I can do that an' don't need nobody to share with.

"Pssssst Billy Bob, check the fish'n report at Falcon lake" Ok, hold on a minute. Falcon Lake Tackle.

Is that a fish or is that a fish? There weren't no new fish'n report, but I was think'n ya might be interested in last weeks catch of the day. Boy howdy, I get'n excitis.

Remember'n back to last year at Falcon lake, an' watch'n the weather forecasts this year, I'm think'n in bout two weeks I'll be headed south with the rest of the snowbirds. They'll never know I ain't one of 'em.

Taste test done on the smoked turkey. Yup, I can do that.....damn good even if'n I do say so myself.


Monday, December 23, 2013

Go'n in circles

Oh crap, now look what I went an' done? My freeak'n feet are swoled up again. Ya see, I was feel'n these little needles things in my feet, numbness, itchy...stuff like that. I take my socks off....stand 'em up in a corner, an' take a look at my two puff up feet. That was yesterday....today is today, I ain't got no more swoled up feet. Figger that one out.

I didn't have nuttin to do last night, so I watch a full length 3 hour movie. Oliver Twist. Damn thing go on till 3am....an' it weren't nuttin like I was expect'n. Ain't never gonna watch that no more. I was expect'n to see a "grow up an' do something special" kind of movie. Damn kid never growed up an' never do nuttin special.

I need to make a trip to Port Aransas. Pick up my mail an' get me some pocket change from the bank. But I ain't go'n today. Or tomorrow. Dad gum holidays always fall on a day when I got stuff to do. Holidays be over in bout a week....right?

Cold front blowed in last night. Got down to 34 degs over here at "da house". Didn't bother me a bit....let 'er blow. From the looks of things, we only gonna have a couple days of these blizzard like conditions. "Poot Billy Bob, ain't no blizzards in south Texas".If I say there is, there is...git over it.

Yesterday I had to go back in my blogs an' look something up. That didn't take long with the search thingy. I spend close to 3 hours read'n some the stuff I wrote a couple or three years ago. I do this a couple times a year an' come back feel'n much better bout myself. Laughter is good medicine ya know. If'n I could still write like that, I wouldn't have a hard time find'n something to write about. Damn I hate lose'n my mind (memory).

Ok, we got to do something bout this house clean'n crap. I cain't do it by myself no more.....hint hint hoochi coochi wimmins. When I lived on the boat, a placed a ad for a first mate. Out of the woodwork came (crawled) all kinds of possible applicants....I mean to tell ya. Ain't got no teefs, a hunnert pound over weight, skinny like a fence post, kids tag'n along, boyfriends....all the kind of stuff first mates ain't suppose to be. One in particular, she turn out to be a illegal....an'...wait for this....a prostitute. Good look'n woman from Columbia....keeped her for a week. Keep the boat clean, cook for me, warsh my clothes, fix my coffee just right....treat me like I was a king or something. Then here come her mean ass little 12 year old "terror monster" kid to stay on the boat. If I ever want to throw a kid overboard, this was the one. Then her brother ain't got no place to stay. Who's next, her mother? Then one wonderful day, ICE come knock'n on my door. What the hell was her name? 

Some day I need to tell ya bout first mate Vickie Lynn.

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Christmas ain't like Christmas.....

The closer to Christmas day, the more depressed I get. Ya see, I don't do (participate) Christmas no more. Go head, call me a old grinch if'n ya want to. I turn my phone off the day before an' leave it off till the next year. Did I mention that I hate phones? Three minutes on a phone an' the conversation is over. It's not that I don't like Christmas or holidays in general, I just don't like what holidays have become.....commercialized and competition. Especially Christmas where everbody competes to be the biggest spender on the block. Christmas ain't about spend'n. Sheesh!!!!

But anyhows.....this year Christmas has been on my mind. I'm miss'n the kids an' grankids. With seven kids an' a whole shipp'n crate full on grankids, I got a lot to miss. All them festivities of scream'n kids, the rustle of wrapping paper being tore to shreds, the kitchen smells throughout the house.....a fresh cup of steam'n coffee......a big feed fest. I try my darnedest to not let Christmas bring me down, but damn, I can't just turn my thinker on an' off any ol' time I want to. I'm a thinker ya know. An' ya can't ignore Christmas like it was just another day.  
Early Merry Christmas to everbody!!!!

So what am I gonna do for Christmas? Well, nephew Joseph says I got to spend it with him an' family since I'm already camped here an' I don't eat much. Not the way I wanted to spend Christmas, but what the hell, I'm here an' I ain't got no other plans. Baa Hum Bug!!!!

I rekon that's all I got to say for today.


Saturday, December 21, 2013

Think'n back a few years

Housework done??? Well, not exactly. Ya see, there are times a man has just got to sit down an' think things over. Maybe close your eyes an' visualize what a clean house is gonna look like. That's pretty much what happen. I close my eyes an' I was out like a light. That's considered a nap if'n ya didn't know.

Now bout a nap. There onest was a time I could close my eyes for bout 15 minutes an' wake up "good to go". Ha....that was like 20 years ago. As time passed me by, those 15 minute naps turn into much longer naps. They change to a hour or more, an when I wake up, I be a little on the grouchy side an' I ain't gonna do nuttin when I'm grouchy. Ya git the picture??? Housework ain't done.

I used to be a hero. I had me a Play Station video game thingy. Shoot'em up, auto racing an' the latest Tiger Woods golf games. I was the most popular "papaw" on the face of the earth. As long as the grankids could play video games all day long. Boy howdy I sure do got me some good grankid memories. But that was ten an' more years ago. All them grankids is almost growed up now....think'n bout boyfriends an' girlfriends, cars an' pick up trucks, proms, graduation an' college....boyfriends an' girlfriends. It's hell go'n from first violin to second fiddle.

Did I ever tell ya bout the time....I was a violin player? Boy howdy let me tell ya, I hated that damn violin. Who ever heard of a adventurous, tear shit apart, ten year old boy play'n a freak'n violin? It just ain't gonna happen. My mean old dad used to make me practice on that thing. Practice what? How to break the bridge so's I don't have to practice? I cain't read no music notes wrote on a piece of paper. I don't know one string from a nuther. I don't like that "screech'n" sound it makes. I ain't play'n no violin....period. Now had that been a fiddle instead of a damned ol' long hair violin, I may have liked it an' learn how to play. So much for violins.

Did I ever tell ya bout my trombone in high school? Yes I went to high school....no matter what ya might be think'n. Did ya know if'n ya was to position that slide thingy just right an' squeezes your lips just right, a trombone sound just like a 18 wheeler air horn. Had me some fun with that long bout midnight many times. Piss them neighbors off pretty good.

Ok, I ain't got no more nonsense for the day.....I'm out of here. Housework??? Maybe.

Friday, December 20, 2013

Housework.....god I hate warsh'n dishes

I pushed the wrong button......a whole page of writ'n gone....poooof, just like that.

Ok, today is the dreaded housework day. I get'n tired of step'n over stuff an' kick'n stuff out my way, it's time to clean house. Dang, I still got groceries from a week ago what ain't been put up yet. Can goods, so don't be think'n I got froze food in there. I remember one time I left a couple bags of froze food out there in "that jeep"....over night for a couple days. Summer time, bout a hunnert degs. Well ya know what happen to those froze foods.....dumpster.

Didn't take me long to get all them dishes all warshed up. I hate warsh'n dishes. They all sit'n over there on the counter dry'n. Probly be there tomorrow morn'n too. I can see the counter for the first time in a week.....yeeee haw!!!

You can make your life as excit'n as ya want it. Ya don't have to please other people.....even though they some of 'em think ya do. I was read'n a blog. Kind of piss me off. The blogger ain't been updating his blog, so he gets beat up by some of his followers.....like he "owes" them or something like that. See how fast people will turn on ya if'n ya don't do an' say what they want ya to?

I really ain't got a thing to say, with all this housework an' all. I need to get some of it done before I decide "it's nap time". Sit'n here writ'n nonsense don't help a bit.....see ya!!!

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Let's go golf'n

Life is pretty darn good when you can go to bed when it's only 64 degs. outside. You think I'm kid'n don't ya? This is south Texas ya know.

Me an' that OFM guy Barney went golf'n yesterday. The weather was absolutely perfect for golf ball swak'n, or any other outdoor fun ya wanna have. We talk'n up in the upper 70's. We had so much fun on the golf course, we decided to have fun again today too. Hmmmmmm......did you see the weather forecast for today? 20 mile a hour wind??? I can do that.

Got a new noise in "that jeep". I suppose that's a indication that something is wrong. The last repair was chang'n the brake pads. Ok, why are the brakes mak'n noise? I'm think'n there was moisture on the brakes an' that where the noise come from. How the hell do ya explain what a noise sound like? I ain't even gonna try.

Ok, I got to do something bout my right foot. That sucker hurt all the time. I'm think'n it's time for a new pair of sandals. Ya see, when I go to swak a golf ball, my feet slide on the slick grass. Then my golf ball go off in the woods somewheres.

I bought me a quart of egg nog yesterday. That some the most awful tast'n stuff I ever did drink. Anybody want a used half a quart of egg nog? I betcha a dollar, who ever made this stuff, was follow'n some government regulations or something like that. I hate it when the government tells me what to eat or drink. Bastards.

I suppose ya seen on the news....don't use vitamin supplements no more. One (1) guy made that decision.....one guy. So now we got a billion dollar a year industry stand'n on the edge of a cliff....all 'cause of one guy didn't get his "kick back". That's all I have to say bout that.

Ok, I got things to do. See ya laters.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Bucket list is run'n on empty

Falcon lake is producing some fish. It's the start of the spawn. Even with the low water temps, the fish is headed for shallow water....lay some eggs an' raise some bass puppies.

Speak'n of Falcon lake, it ain't gonna be long till the old Billy Bob hooks up "that jeep" heads off that way. I hope to have better luck catch'n big ol' bass fish this year than I did last year. If'n ya ain't got some kind of boat, ya ain't gonna catch no 14 pounds bass. It was too windy for the "bubba boat" last year ya know, an' if'n ya remember, the lake was very low. Should be better this year. I don't remember if'n I froze to death or not. I know it was windy as hell though.

Accord'n to my Walmart special temp thingy, Monday morn'n it was 27 degs. Monday's 11am golf game was rescheduled for tomorrow...Wednesday. This morn'n it was 33 degs. By the time I got out of bed, it was up to 65 degs......an' rise'n. I can live with this.

I don't know bout nobody else, but I put a lot of thought into my future. I can sit there an' think all day long an' never get tired. I don't come up with any solutions or nuttin like that, but it's good to sit there an' dream.....or in some cases....scheme. Most my old dreams are tucked away in a drawer back there in the bed room. Maybe some day I'll go back there an' thumb through them. But I'm think'n those dreams are dead an' buried. I can just see me at my age jump'n off'n a bridge suspended by a freak'n rubber band. Yee gads....stupit young people do that.
Did I ever tell ya bout the time I stood in line at a carnival to bungee jump off'n a big ol' crane bout a hunnert feet high? Wife #2 keep tell'n me...."you're stupit, you can't do that". She call me stipit quite often ya know. When I get to the head of the line, the nice guy look me over an' says...."you cain't bungee jump in a back brace an' a walker". I was serious, an' so was he. So much for bungee jump'n.

Any bucket list I ever had is flat empty now days. I done did bout all the dangerous stuff I could think of....and survived to talk bout it. Remember my cousin in California what said she was surprised I was still alive? Bout all I put in a bucket now is comfort items. You know, like find'n a nice warm place to camp in the winter or a nice cool place to camp in the summer. Lay back, sip up a cup an' do some think'n. I'm comfortable with that an' maybe one or two days a week, I'm happy. Weather related ya know.

I still got it in my mind to take me a trip to Louisiana. Not to go alligator hunt'n or nuttin like that....sheesh, I ain't no fool. I'm think'n sit'n round listen'n to live cajun music, real cajun gumbo an' hoochi coochi cajun wimmins. Well, maybe not the hoochi coocki wimmins, but you know what I'm talk'n bout. There ain't nuttin wrong with hoocki coocki, but at me age....I don't think so.

Well, here we go with blogger again. Not refreshing.....grrrrrrrr!!!       

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Tater skin

"What the hell?.....my fried taters got skin on 'em". I don't usually get in a wad over little things like tater skins, but fried taters with skin on 'em ain't no little thing. My god, what do ya rekon a tater peeler is for? DUH!!!
What do ya do with a banana before ya eat it? See what I'm talk'n bout.

I was out in the yard yesterday swak'n me some golf balls.
"That's all I have to say bout that"....Gump.
*patiently waiting*

I just read a question...."do fish drink water?". I found that funny and laughed. Then I wondered if fish drink beer. And if so, do they get drunk?

Speak'n of fish.....do fish feel pain? According to "fish experts", yes they do and no they don't. It's a 50/50 deal, so the ball is in your court.

Ok, now bout fish hooks. If your intention is to murder a fish an' eat him later, it's fine to use a treble hook to catch 'em. That's a hook with 3 super sharp barbs on it ya know. If you are a sports fisherman, catch and release, the use of treble hooks is a no no. If you happen to be inconsiderate to the fish while "sport fish'n", an' ya use a treble hook anyhows, and the fish swallers the hook, do not attempt to remove it if it will cause damage to the fish. It will eventually dissolve and the fish will live a long an' fruitful life. Hook'n a fish by his lips will not kill a fish or make him overly uncomfortable.
Choose your hooks wisely.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Homebrew gold machine

Rich??? What you talk'n bout Vern. Ha Ha, the old Billy Bob like to bust a gut....while he count'n pennies for a loaf of bread an' some balony. "I'm broke honey, ya got to go find a job".

I used to watch them gold prospector programs on TV. Well hell, I can do that I betcha. I'm think'n it was long bout 2003 when I start do'n some internet research. I'm gonna build me a "gold git'n" dry washer an' get rich. That what I were think'n anyhows. Well, the fact of the matter is, that people don't get rich dig'n for gold.  It's a hobby, git over it. A expensive hobby.

I fount me some plans on the internet. A dry washer what all ya do is pour dirt in the top an' 24 karat gold bars come out the bottom.

My first attempt at building a dry washer was a "super sized" sucker upper model. Used for suck'n dirt an' shit out of cracks an' crevices. Work like a vacuum clean on steroids. 
 Well, the damn thing don't work. Only thing come out the bottom that thing was more dirt. Where the hell my gold? Salvaged what parts I could an' throwed the rest in the dumpster.....$$$$$.

Then I builded the "Gold Machine". That what I call it anyhows. This was my baby....after rebuilding an' modify'n a hunnert times.
As you can plainly see by the dust an' stuff, it's making gold. Ya see, what ya do, is ya throw ya some dirt in the top section, it falls down on the lower section, the lower section wiggles an' vibrates and then, pure gold falls out the bottom.
Well, gold prospect'n ain't really that simple. In fact, it's plumb ass hard work with very little monetary ($$$) reward. If'n ya find enough gold to pay for gas, you do'n a excellent job. Most don't.
 This is what I'm talk'n bout hard work....a hole that big don't dig it's self. 

Before ya haul all your gold prospecting equipment out the back of the truck an' set it all up, ya gotta first find a place that has been proven to have any gold in it. Ya don't just go out in the desert an' start digg'n. Ya got to "prospect" an' take samples for "color". Get on your hands an' knees, smell the dirt, look at the types of rocks, the plants....stuff like that. (Sampl'n is done with a gold pan an' a bunch of water).  If'n ya ain't never operate a gold pan, you'll hate it. Onest you see the first tiny piece of color in your pan, you'll love it. That's where "gold fever" got it's name.

I was prospect'n (search'n for a place to set up the "gold machine") in the Rademacher Hills, a gold bearing set of mountains just south of Ridgecrest Ca. I was look'n for color in my gold pan. Any color as long as it was gold. I fount me some, little pieces of gold in the bottom my pan. Yee haw, I are a prospector. Ok, you heard stories before....bout lost treasure an' lost gold mines. How the hell can I get lost in the Rademacher Hills? I should have mark the location on my BLM maps for when I come back tomorrow with the "gold machine". I never did find that location again.

If'n I was able to dig dirt today, I would be build'n me another "gold machine" an' get'n me some that gold. I be rich in nuttin flat.

Grrrrrrrrr....growl, bark an' stuff.....Dad gum Blogger not work'n again.

Friday, December 13, 2013

Don't be kick'n 'em when they down

I could'a went to the golf course this morn'n, but I rekon...I ain't go'n golf'n today. If'n it was a few degs warmer an' if'n I had got out of bed a couple hours earlier, I would be swak'n golf balls. It's 57 degsan' I didn't fall out of bed till 8:30. Well, I didn't actually "fall" out of bed, but I can guarantee it didn't take me very long to hit the floor. Ya see, I had me some them leg cramps bout three times last night. You talk bout jump'n out of bed....Yeee haw!!!

I'm think'n this crazy helicopter idea of mine is for the birds. Ha...for the birds....git it? Anyhows, I waste somewheres bout 4 or 7 hours yesterday read'n/research'n all bout remote control helicopters. I watch some of 'em fly on You Tube too. Well, I really didn't waste my time, I probly learn one more way how to save myself $1000....give or take a hunnert or two. Maybe I'll just go to Walmart an' pick me up one them little suckers ya fly inside "da house"....for bout $30....give or take. Naaa....that ain't my idea of a helicopter. *Idea scrapped*

Kick 'em when they down. You know what I'm talk'n bout.....don't ya? I don't feel good. I'm freak'n depressed. I'm bored. It's cold. I don't need to be kicked around like some stray dog. Just feed me some morsels, give me a place to sleep, say nice things to me an' I'll be your friend for life. There was this half starve German Sheppard dog come crawl'n up on the front porch. Probly weigh bout 25-30  pound. He was one pitiful look'n skinny dog. Somewhere's in his life he was throwed out to the dumpster. Kind of like the old Billy Bob was when he was younger. Probly mistreated too. He show up on "da porch" one day....all scraggly look'n an' stuff. I give him a drink an' feed him. Next day he back on "da porch". An' the next an' the next....an' so on. He was my newest bestest friend.

I keep that old skinny dog. Named him "Duke" 'cause he had that look of royalty. Duke went everwheres I went. He was my cook'n taster. Remember the spaghetti I make with Campbell's Tomato soup? He was my guard dog. Remember the cop what was scared to get out the car? He was always by my side....lick my hand, stuff like that. Ya see what I'm talk'n bout here? Don't be kick'n 'em when they down.....even if'n they ain't royalty. 

 I been hav'n a terrible time try'n to find a subject to talk about. I don't remember stuff like I used to.....Billy Bob is los'n his mind. I done told ya bout most my life from when I was a little feller up to today, the ups an' downs, the good an' bad times....my adventures an' misadventures. There ain't much left to talk bout. "Oh....did I ever tell ya bout the time.......???" 

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Bored to hell

Ok, what day is it? Ha, that reminds me of the commercial, but I didn't know today was "hump day" (camel "what day is it"). Not until I cheated an' look on my computer....today is Wednesday. There ain't nuttin special bout today that I need to know what day it is. It's just another day....right?

I was sit'n over there on the couch with my eyes closed, chin hang'n down on my chest, not quite asleep....I was swak'n golf balls. I'm think'n maybe Friday will be a good day for golf....if'n it don't rain.

I got me some golf clubs in my bag what I don't hit very well. You know, BaBaaam, I hit a tree or something like that. Time to take 'em out I rekon. "Ya cain't play golf with only one club Billy Bob".

If you're think'n bout go'n fish'n, no....it's too nasty cold for that. Now when I was younger, worked at the University of Texas in Port Aransas, I would go fish'n almost every night. Had me a little 800 watt generator an' a 500 watt quartz light. Boy howdy did them trout like that light. In the dead of winter, bout 55 degs or so, I was out on the pier fish'n. Hang my fish off the pier on a long rope. Did you know, dolphins would come up there an' strip all my fish slap off that rope in one bite? I don't do that kind of stuff no more. But I sure do miss it.

I sure would like to go fish'n. I'm think'n maybe this weekend would be a good time to go. I don't keep fish no more ya know. I fish for the sport, catch an' release. If'n I get really lucky an' catch me one, I just unhook it an' throw it back. Try to catch me another one. Boy howdy, I sure would like to go catch me up some fish.

Yeah, I'm bored all to hell an' gone. Clean'n house don't do nuttin for boredom, so I ain't gonna do no housework. I smell like a damned old goat, so I ain't gonna go out in public. Gonna freeze to death when I come out the shower. I ain't got no hobby projects to keep me busy, although I sure would like to have me a remote control helicopter.

Monday, December 9, 2013

Not a thing to write

I ain't chang'n nuttin. I like me like I am. I like what I do. I like the places I go. An' most of all, I like to take a nap. You ain't gonna never hear the old Billy Bob complain bout nuttin. Ha Ha....ya believe that don't ya?

I been cooped up way too long in "da house" with nuttin to do. This shit really sucks ya know. The only things I have to write about are my thoughts an' stuff I did in the past. Both what nobody really cares to hear about. When I fix something....nobody wants to hear bout that neither. But you let me break something or fall down an' hurt myself....well, "Yeee Haw"....everbody is right there to cheer me on. But dad gum it, lately I ain't had no opportunity to break nuttin, trip over stuff an' fall slap down or cause myself any serious injury. I'll have to work on that.

So what do ya think? Is this gonna be a winter to remember, or will global warming come to the rescue an' warm things up? When I think of global warming, I wonder who is gonna profit from it. Ya don't hear much any more from all them scientists after they got busted for altering data all over the place. Who's gonna profit? In case ya wanna know, the Arctic ice sheets have increased 60%. Google is your best friend.
Note to followers, No Fist Fighting please.

Ok, this ain't work'n. I don't know what to write.....so's I'm out of here.

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Ain't nowhere to get warm

This is attempt #3 to write something. There ain't nuttin there......pooooof, empty tank, just like that.

Some people call times like this "winter blues" or something like that. I call it "freez'n my ass off" an' it's too damn cold to go outside. I'm stay'n in "da house". You think I'm kid'n don't ya? Well I ain't....I don't like cold...an' I ain't go'n outside. When ya get up bout my age, you'll know what I'm talk'n bout.

Speak'n of cold....Boy Howdy, it's freak'n cold out there. There's RV people (snowbirds an' such make'n their way south) stranded all over the country in Walmart park'n lots, long side the road, camp grounds....all 'cause of blizards, snow, ice storms....nasty winter stuff. Now down here in south Texas, it might be a little cold an' stuff like that, but we ain't exactly stranded or nuttin like that. All we gotta do is hook up an' go to somewhere's warmer. But there ain't nowhere's warmer left to go where ya ain't gonna freeze slap to death.

A quick look at the weather in Zapata, Texas....Falcon Lake.....it's cold as the arctic there too. That's where I been wait'n to go. Not the arctic silly....Falcon Lake. There's a 14 pound bass what lives in there. I know, 'cause I saw him a couple years ago.

Ya see, I was out there on the lake in my little blow up "bubba boat".

Bout then, this great big ol' bass fish grab holt to my fish'n lure. He makes bout 4 jumps clean out the water.

Then he take off like a freight train, right up in a bunch of old dead brush an' tree stumps. He got my bass fish lure hang'n out his lips. He winds my line round one them tree stumps an' he ain't com'n out no matter how hard I pull. Stalemate if'n we was play'n chess. But he checkmate me in the end....broke my line slap off. Damn cheap Walmart fish'n line.
I'll get him this year I betcha.

Ok, I got things to do. *whip cracks* "Git this house clean up Billy Bob". Oh god....dishes!!!


Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Ol' crooked eye

Holy cows, it's 3:30pm. This has been one terrible day at the old Billy Bob's house. I'm think'n one too many days with out my drugs......Yee hawr, let's do some drugs.

Yesterday afternoon was the begin'n of "sleepy hollow". Weren't no way I could stay awake longer than a hour. Even when there was something good on the TV. I was just sit'n there do'n nuttin an' the next thing I know it was dark outside. I were dizzy, don't see straight. Went to bed really really early....bout 9:30pm. Straight to sleep. No toss an' turn. No weird thoughts. I was out like a light.

Then I get up really really early this morn'n....bout 6:45. That's really really early ya know. I'm clumsy, run into everthing. Cain't see straight (double vision) or what ever ya wanna call it. I'm think'n I got to go to Walmart. Get my prescriptions refilled an' buy me up some groceries. I hate have'n to take meds every day, but I rekon I learned me a lesson...I need them.....every day. 

Had a fight at Walmart. No, not a fist fight.....although there was this one lady....Boy Howdy, she ain't gonna git out my way for nuttin. Ya see, she got one them "kid hauler" carts bout 20 feets long. She park in the middle of the aisle, stand there an' just look at she shelves, not put'n anything in that cart. I asked her if'n she ever been shop'n before. She just give me a look....you know bout them looks don't ya....an' she don't say nuttin. Oh shoot, there she is again on the next aisle. "Come on lady, give me a break".
The fight was bout try'n to decide between "Billy Bob Chili" or "Billy Bob beef stew soup". So I bought the make'n for both. Chili is cook'n on the stove right now. Can ya smell it??? Gonna have me some chili spaghetti tonight. Yum yum. Dang, I forgot to buy Doritos. Think'n bout this....Doritos, cheddar cheese an' chili in a bowl. Make ya think of Frito pie don't it?

Ok, meds are kick'n in, chili is done...an' I'm hungry.   

Monday, December 2, 2013

This ain't winter.....or is it?

So what's the big deal with "winter"? Seems like it happens every year bout this time. Temps fall into the teens an' everbody start whinn'n bout how cold it is an' how they hate cold weather......know what I'm talk'n bout? If'n ya been pay'n attention to the weather guys on TV, you know another cold front is on the way south. Gonna be colder than.....well, you know what I'm talk'n bout. That's cold!!!
But it ain't gonna happen today. Not in south Texas anyhows.

I mention south Texas quite often an' I got good reason to. It's warmer than most parts of the country. You can go fish'n, spend a day at the beach, go golf'n....wear shorts, tee's an' go barefooted. And winter usually only last bout two or three weeks.....give or take a few days. If'n ya got tires on your house, there ain't no reason to be cold for months on end. Shovel'n snow an' shit like that.

I ain't always in the right place at the right time. Sometimes I get there a month too early or a month too late. An' sometimes it don't make no matter one way or the other. When I arrived in Deming, NM this year, it was hot. I left 6 weeks later 'cause it was cold. Poooof, just like that, summer turn to winter. I don't spend no more winters in Deming. Seems like this year, it's gonna be cold no matter where ya go. Dad gum global warming.

I'm go'n golf'n today. There, I said it. I used to get all excitis when we was gonna go somewheres....like DisneyLand, a fish'n/camp'n trip, go swim'n in the Atlantic Ocean....stuff like that. Sometimes ya only get to go bout onest a year. Ya lose sleep. Well, last night I lose sleep too. I've played golf before ya know, I shouldn't be all excitis. Maybe today I'll have me a good round of golf ball swak'n. Even if'n it ain't a good round, the Mexican food and spend'n the afternoon with a friend will be good.

So that's the way it is. Ya cain't change things that cain't be changed. Ya got to make the best of any situation. Have fun......an' get all excitis bout something.   

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Billy Bob an' sports

I been sit'n here think'n bout what I'm gonna do today. I rekon I could sit here another hour or so an' still not know.

I'll tell ya how bad it is, the old Billy Bob has been watch'n football. I don't like football. I don't like baseball neither. An' basketball.....oh hell no. Give me a good fish'n pole an' a couple golf balls, an' I'm happy with sports.

I remember one time I thought I was gonna be a football player. The coach assigned me as the center....that's the guy that hikes the ball an' then gets smashed into the ground by some great big  dude what weighs 250 pounds. I know, 'cause that what happen to me.....every time I hike the ball. One inning of this kind'a gameplay, an' I was finished with my silly idea to be a star football player. Ok, it weren't a inning with strike three you're out or nuttin like that. It was bout 15 minutes...tops. I tell the coach, "I cain't do this shit no more".

Then there was baseball. I was think'n, "what could be so hard bout this"? "The ball Billy Bob, the ball is a "very hard" ball". I got hit in the back with that hard ball. Hit on the head with that hard ball. I had lumps on top of lumps. One game an' I was finish with my baseball career. Sides that, I swing at the ball like a girl. Strike three, you're out.

I try to dribble a basketball one time. Ha, that was a experience I don't even want to remember. I was slap'n that ball one time for every 4 steps. The "Billy Bob dribble ya know". I throw the ball at the basket....gonna make me two points I betcha. Miss the whole damn backboard an' everthing. Not even close. I ain't never been worth a crap at basketball play'n. Coach send me to girls PE to play volleyball.

 Ok....I'm think'n shower an' a trip to Walmart. Out of meds for 4 days now....milk is sour an' bread is moldy. Ain't got no donuts.