Friday, January 31, 2014

Updated....Bad days for Billy Bob....before the good

And this is the way it was.......

I was borned legitimate. Although I heared through the grapevine, my mom called me a little bastard numerous times while she was giv'n birth. Little did she know what kind of life I would have.

Shortly after I come into this world, mom an' dad got in a big ol' "mouth" fight. Went to court an' all kind of stuff. Mom was a "loose' 18 year old girl an' in her looseness, lost custody of her first begotten son.....or something along them lines. Dad was a drunkard, so he passed me off to a foster care lady "Moms", when he entered WW II in 1942. I never seen mom for the next 14 years.  Oh wait, yes I did. One time she sneeked out to the farm when I was 6 year old an' spend a couple hours with me. Onest again she picked me up at Granpa's (pawned off once again by my loving dad) to go a city park for an afternoon. I was 10 years old. I didn't know her.

I don't remember much after my birth up to when I was 5 year old. I'm think'n that's pretty normal. I learned, through the grapevine, that I was a spoiled little brat at a very early age. Pitch fits, scream my lungs out, bang my head on the hardwood floors....stuff like that. I'm think'n I needed some attention. Probly needed a good ass whoop'n too. It might be noted that in the 40's, there was no such thing as "political correctness", parental child abuse, stuff like that. A good ass whoop'n was the norm.

The farm was located only a short distance from where my dad hung out in the bars, but in seven years he only visited me 2 times....for a couple hours as I remember. I didn't know him neither. I only knowed Moms an' Mr. Obreisa (just guess'n on the spell'n). The only memories I have of this man is when he tie the older boys to a post in the backyard an' beat hell out 'em with a leather strap.

The only memory I have before the age of 5 years old was "the hand". I posted bout that one time. I just got to go back an' find it for ya. I types "the hand" in the little search thingy at the top an' I'm now read'n some the funniest stuff I could ever read. If'n ya a couple free hours, you should do the same.

Ok, that's it for the day. I'm read'n ya know....old blogs. An' I still got to do some work on that "billy jeep".

Well I went out there to work on the "billy jeep". The freak'n battery was slap dead. Nephew Frank left the key on. Charged it up an' pulls up on a pair of rickity old ramps....pray'n to God they don't come crash'n down while I'm under there. Took some shit apart, an' guess what, the tow bar bracket ain't gonna fit.....no way come high water, unless I completely rebuild it. An I ain't gonna do that. "Bite the bullet Billy Bob, buy ya a brand spank'n new one".

I gets back on the internet, Amazon to be exact. They have the bracket on sale ($309 with free ship'n). But....the bracket photo they have posted is NOT a photo of the bracket I need, although the part number is correct. I'm think'n they just post any ol' tow bar bracket photo they want an' let the customer sort it out. But anyhows, I contacted them by chat to ask if the photo could be wrong. I was chat'n with some dude in India. Not Indiana....India. That guy don't 'no nuttin'. So I sent a email. No answer as yet.      

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Yabba dabba doo....or what ever

Sometimes we say stuff we wish later we could take back....."should'a never say that Billy Bob". I'm talk'n bout politics and blogs. Two of the worstest things you can mention on a blog is religion an' good ol' "fist fight'n" politics. Especially at a time like this when the country is so equally divided. But anyhows, what I'm git at, we lose some of the bestest friends we could ever have or sit around a campfire with, simply 'cause of division (left an' right).

Now, where was we at? Oh yeah, there will be no "Billy Bob's Story" story today. Ya see, I got to think'n bout how much my life story I'm will'n to share. I got to do me some think'n bout that. My life ain't all been good an' I get all piss off think'n bout the not so good stuff.

I think I'll leave it at that for today.....OH, did I ever tell ya bout the time..........???
Had me a step mom one time. Seven years older than me....I was 13. She grabs holt to a belt, gonna whoop my ass 'cause I backtalk her or something like that. Violence ain't gonna work. I takes that belt out her hand, lay one across her ass....she never try that shit more. Of course, my dad beat the liv'n hell out me when he come home drunk at midnight. 

Yesterday I wanted sooo much to go out there an' take the "billy jeep" slap apart. Up under the front end si this big ol' piece of plastic what protects the radiator an' stuff when ya run over rocks an' boulders, tree stumps, live chickens....stuff like that. It got to be removed before I can install the tow bar baseplate. We slid the baseplate in them openings under the grill where it supposed to go.....it's gonna work. Maybe with no modification other than new bolt holes.

I ain't done no more bout the alternator not charg'n on "da house". It's been too damn cold out there to be mess'n with stuff like that. This is a time I wished one my electrician sons was here to help out their daddy. But then, they still ain't as smart as their daddy bout electric stuff. "I can fix anything". But it sure would be nice to spend some time with 'em. Maybe go play some golf or something like that. But then, they still cain't beat their daddy in a round of golf.

Oh shit, I got things to do.....the day has been wasted.

Stink'n Google....won't update....grrrrrrrr

Third try...different browser....

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Go'n on a diet....I'm freak'n fat

A diet for a grow'n boy.

Ya see, it's like this....Billy Bob is get'n FAT. This extra fat is affecting my physical and mental health. I cain't button my britches no more by bout two inches. My belly is fill'n the area where my lungs live.....make it hard to 'breeve'. My feet hurt from carry'n around all this extra load. I suppose my gas mileage is gonna go down in "Sally da house" too. Sheesh, why did I eat that whole pack of donuts? Cookies an' shit like that? I love donuts an' shit like that. And all them freak'n super size beef hot dogs. I also love fat super size hot dogs with a big ol' glob of mayo, ketchup, mustard an' onions.

I 'member one time many years ago, I had a dumb ass doctor tell me I'm underweight. I need to go on a high calorie (did I spell that rite) diet an' gain some weight. Eat 5 times a day. Chocolate shakes with a bag of tater chips two times a day . High protein/calorie "mix in milk" stuff two times a day. One in the morn'n an' one at bed time. Well, you see what I'm get'n at, something like bout 4000-5000 calories a day. I did that for a whole month. Spend something like $300 or $400 on that crap. Go back to the doctor an' I gained one (1) freak'n measly pound. So much for the old Billy Bob gain'n weight.

After I start work'n the University of Texas (1986, I started eat'n great big ol' "fattie" breakfast tacos every morn'n. Two years later I settled in at a reasonable weight of bout 148 romp'n stomp'n pounds. Feeled good at that weight. Actually, I feeled GREAT at that weight. Held that weight for 24 years. Plus or minus a pound or two. Then all a sudden this year, my belly start get'n fat. What the hell??? I'm go'n on a freak'n diet.

My favorite time of day is the last hour (give or take) before I retire (that's go to bed an' toss an' turn for a hour or so). This is my "think'n time". It's quiet in the house, Sadie Mae is sound asleep, let's do some think'n. Last night was a exception to the rule of bout 15 to 30 minutes of think time. I spent a good two hours think'n bout that rambunctious troublesome little boy on the farm (think'n Tom an' Huck here). How I got there an' what I did for the next few years. I might just do a continuing blog post on that. Boy howdy, this gonna be fun. What ya think?

In the past, I have posted some the stuff I did as a youngster. Most either have forgot or have never seem what I posted. So we gonna do it again.....just for fun ya know.


Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Hard work'n day....yesterday

It's lay'n out there on the ground. Yesterday I got that tow bar bracket removed from "that jeep". Some measurements was made an' "Yeee  Haw, it gonna work on the "billy jeep". After some modification of course.

Removing the tow bracket was the easy job. Nuttin to it....just git under there an' remove some bolts.
After much investigation, take'n stuff apart an' Google, it was determined the alternator is good (14.45 output volts)....not broke. That leaves to Battery Control Center to be investigated. BCC's are mostly used only on motorhomes.....an' "my god", them things are expensive. There's bout a gazillion wires what go in that box, bout 20 fuses, a hand full of little relays an' circuit breakers, an' a bunch of electronic stuff on a circuit board. The circuit board is rather expensive too. Anyhows, that what I learn in bout 4 hours of pull'n my hair out.

Then I had to take me up some aspirin an' go lay down. I ain't designed to get in those kind of crumpled up positions no more. Joseph called in sick, so he weren't much help. Dad gum boy needs to get his priorities right....Uncle Bill first.

Checked the fish'n report for Falcon lake. It's not good folks. A few fish was caught, but nuttin over 10 pounds. Still way to cold down there for the old Billy Bob to be out on a lake fish'n in the "bubba boat". They also have a alligator gar problem down there. The lake is over run with 'em and the Fish an' Wildlife ain't gonna do nuttin bout it. Alligator gar eat bass ya know, an' Falcon lake is a renowned bass fish'n lake.

Last nights low was 34 degs. It's made it up to 38 this afternoon. I call that cold. I ain't gonna go outside for nuttin. Laters.....I feel a nap come'n on. 

Monday, January 27, 2014

No I ain't play'n no golf today

Ok, go figger.....freak'n weather forecasts are stupit.

I got up early this morn'n. Why? 'Cause I was bout to wet the bed, that's why. I was expect'n it to cold like a sum-a-gun this morn'n. Ha, it weren't. So let me tell ya what it's do'n out there. It's 58 degs, sun is shin'n like a big ball of fire, and very little wind is blow'n. That's a golf ball swak'n day if'n there ever was one.

There will be no golf ball swakn today. Not 'cause of the weather, but 'cause I feel like hell this morn'n. I was sit'n on the couch last night. I got light headed an' a smiggin on the dizzy side. Something weren't right....so I went to bed. I feel the same this morn'n. My back would never make it through 18 holes.

Here in a bit, I got to take "Sally" back to El Rancho Abraham. I ain't pay'n no $25 a night to sit here an' drool over that dad gum golf course over there. I got things to do ya know....house water pump an' the dad gum alternator what quit charg'n.

I been do'n some think'n bout that alternator. Ya see, when I was work'n on the house batteries a while back, I left the hood wide open. And it rained. Right on that big ol' fuse panel/circuit board thingy. Or I suppose it did. I worked on the circuit board before. Burned a wire slap up on that sucker.....an' fixed it. I don't really think a alternator would go out if'n it was just sit'n there do'n nuttin. I'm suspect'n the circuit board. (All control 12 volt voltage stuff goes through the circuit board. Alternator included. Now where I gonna get $500 for a new one? "Hey Joseph, can ya give me a hand....I've fallen an' can't get up"? "Check the fuses Billy Bob". Well duh, ya think I'm stupit or something?

Ok, I got to unhook the electric cord an' head on down the road a piece. See ya laters.


Sunday, January 26, 2014

Updated.....Still fix'n stuff

Update to todays post:
Well, here I are sit'n at the Welder RV park in Sinton, Texas. Space #44 if'n ya really really want to know. I rekon ya already guessed it, that's a golf course right over there. I'm bet'n bout a dollar that if the weather is anything like today, I'll be swak'n golf balls tomorrow morning. Oh never mind that, tomorrows forecast says 64 degs and 22 mile a hour winds. Every day cain't be a fun day, but at least I'll have a empty black water tank. 

Ok, here's the newest deal. "Sally da house" is broke. Alternator is not charging. Now what the hell???  Oh yeah, did I mention the house water pump ain't work'n neither? "Damn Billy Bob, you always break'n stuff".

Morning post:
Well shoot, I ain't got nuttin to talk about this morn'n.

I rekon I could mention the beautiful weather we got. It got a bit nippy last night (35degs), but it's a long ways from 35 degs now. It's beautiful....or something like that.

Nephew Joseph parked the "billy jeep" right outside my door after his repairs were completed. Since it was just a short walk, I went out there with a tape measure thingy look'n at stuff. "Where the hell am I gonna put my fish poles an' tackle boxes"? And all that other stuff I got in the back of "that jeep". "Jesus Billy Bob, you're a junk collector".

When I was younger and see a nut, bolt or a screw lay'n on the ground, you pick that sucker up an' ya keep it. Then a year later ya throw all that crap in the nearest dumpster.

I was sit'n there in the front seat....admir'n all the fancy stuff ya know. Well hell, I'm sit'n in a "power" seat, go in all kinds of positions. Well, no it don't go in all kinds of positions. I can fix that I betcha. No I can't...."Joseph, help me up"!! (I've fallen and I can't get up). Anyhows, we got the front seat work'n bout as good as we gonna. Then Joseph tears the air cond/heater slap apart. Sucks a ton of dirt an' crap out of the coils with his handy little shop vac thingy. Man boy howdy, that sucker blows some kind of air now.

An' then I gets down on the ground, measur'n stuff for the tow bracket. Damn it, I sure would like to save the cost of a brand new bracket, but it looks like I'm out of luck. The modified "little red bronco" bracket just ain't gonna work. "Modify it Billy Bob". *Still think'n maybe I can modify it* But first, Joseph needs to remove the front bumper and grill so's I can see what I'm do'n. The "tow bar bracket" saga continues.

About this recent back problem what pop up all a sudden. It's get'n much better, but I still walk around like a old man on his last leg. I been pop'n bout three 500mg aspirins a day since last Wednesday. That's just for pain relief so's I can exercise my lower back....an' everbody knows how much I exercise. If'n this messes up my golf'n game, I'm gonna be highly pissed.

In the mean time, I got to go to the RV park to empty my black water tank. *think'n...if I could only lift the lid on the septic tank*  Then go to the propane sell'n place, what ain't all that important. I got a portable tank hooked up for cook'n an' the water heater ya know. Since I have experience in boondock'n, I only turn the water heater on when I need hot water. It's amazing what you can do with cold water.

Ok, I got to run by the RV park an' take a look see. Laters.

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Happy as a lark....that's a bird ya know

The old Billy bob is happy as a lark this morn'n. *looks up lark on Google to see why larks are happy* Ya see, back in bout 1700, uncle Herman put a bird bath in the front yard. Birds come from all over the countryside to utilize the available bath water. One particular bird, a lark, was recorded on an early model of a Ipad splash'n in the water, a smile from ear to ear an' sing'n up a storm. He was happy. So now you know!!!

Yee ha....."billy jeep" is put back together. Ain't no use in go'n into details, but chang'n a axle seal an' bearing is a major undertaking. Add'n up all my change I got back from the four hunnert dollar bills, the total cost come to $250. Mind you, that's for all the parts, supplies and the outside auto shop charge ($50) to press the new bearing on the axle. Nephew Joseph is a good boy.

I suppose any time ya buy a used car, some repairs can be expected.

I bought a used car one time. It was all slicked out bright an' shiny (detailed). Go a hunnert mile a hour lickity split. I was think'n this would be the last car I would ever have to buy....for the rest of my life. Then within a week, stuff began to fall slap apart. There was squeek'n an' screech'n, knocks an' clangs....my god, I'll never make it back home. The front end jump all over the road (death wobble)....some call it shimmy. I'm pour'n cash in this used car by the bucket full. I finally named it "that jeep". Anybody want to buy a perfectly good Jeep? 

I don't know what I did to cause my back to go back in time to the day I injured it (2000), but I mean to tell ya.....this shit ain't funny. Last night, right bout 2am, and after drink'n a quart of water, a 20 oz. Gatorade, a few swigs of apple cider vinegar an' a big squirt of mustard down my throat, I waked up to a ton of pain. My legs was twitch'n to the beat of my pounding heart. My right calf muscle locks up. Extreme pain radiates down my left leg....toes go straight up in the air. Well, it wasn't really anywheres near that bad, but I'm just making a point here. If'n ya missed the point....what more can I say.

Boy howdy, it was cold again last night. Got down to 25 degs in Sinton, Texas....accord'n to my Walmart special thermometer thingy. Yesterday it made it all the ways up to 39 degs in the afternoon. Not a good day for work'n on cars, fish'n or swak'n golf balls.

Then, I ran slap out of propane. Calm down, I have two electric heaters what do a pretty good job of keep'n me cozy an' happy. I went outside in the extreme cold an' drizzl'n rain an' hook up my 5 gallon portable propane tank to "da house". All is good at Billy Bob's house.   

Friday, January 24, 2014

No water an' a leak'n seal

How do I say this and not offend anyone?
I appreciate all the comments on a cure for my leg cramps......BUT!!! I do not like water. I do not like Gatorade. I ain't drink'n nuttin I don't like....period, simple as that. So don't even mention water again, unless you are talk'n bout wash'n the car or tak'ng a shower.

Let me tell ya a little bout these painful leg cramps I get. If'n ya been read'n my blog long enough, you most certainly know I have back issues....nerves get'n pinched an' shit like that. You also know that most ever time I play a round of golf, I get leg cramps that night. That should tell you that my leg cramps ain't regular leg cramps. These suckers is what I call backwards leg cramps....not the regular kind what makes your toes bend down and calf muscles scream for relief. My toes go UP, tendons from my buttock cheeks to my feet get tighter than a fiddle string. Hurt like hell. I've got me a pinched nerve. Twisting my lower back into different positions relieves these "abnormal" leg cramps. But ya got to get it just right.

I was rather amused when Anony got hisself all piss off 'cause I don't like Garorade. Never did like the stuff an' probly never will, but that ain't no reason to get all pissed off. His comments are always welcomed at Billy Bob's Place.

Speak'n of anonymous commenters, do ya think you could put a name with your comments? Like at the end of your comment? That would be cool. 

Bianca. I like that name. "Sally & Bianca". Reminds me of Thelma an' Louise. Problem is I would misspell bianca 9 out of 10 times. An' the old Billy Bob ain't one for misspell'n words.
BJ. Since Trouble named the "billy bike", I considered her suggestion for the name of the new Jeep. I think I'll pass on this shortened version of "billy jeep". Reminds me of Billy Clinton when he was president a few years back.

I rekon I could put all the suggested names in my golf'n hat an' draw out a winner for a free trip to the Caribbean, or something like that. Well, maybe not a trip to the Carribbean, but maybe a fish'n trip....something like that. Of course, the winner would do the cook'n, wash'n dishes, have fresh coffee brewed before I get up, take Sadie Mae for her morning walks.....you know what I'm talk'n bout...a dream vacation. You think I'm kid'n don't ya? Well I ain't....applications accepted from 8am till 4pm. Ha ha...that was cool.

Oh my god, Joseph got the "billy jeep" all tore slap apart. Cost'n me all that pocket change I thought I saved. Ya see, he took it out for a test drive. Come back an' say there's a noise. Pull the back wheel off, the brake pads get'n low an' the axle seal is leak'n. Ok....how much that gonna cost? I done give the boy $300 for parts an' stuff an' I ain't got back no change. He pulled the axle last night an' is in Corpus Christi this morn'n get'n the new seal and bearing pressed on. He done did all the stuff I was talk'n bout yesterday, so there ain't much left to do. Well, we still have a tow bracket to order and install ($400 plus). * still think'n I can use the bracket off'n the "that jeep" * Modified of course.

A couple pics of the modification to fit "that jeep". Modified from a Ford Bronco II, "little red bronco"

Now that's what I'm talk'n bout...Billy Bob can modify anything.   

Now, bout this freak'n weather. I'm tell'n ya right now....don't never trust a weather forecast. I had frozed up water again this morn'n. Not even a drop come out my coffee water faucet. And it's freak'n cold outside, 34 degs. Expected to top out at 37 by afternoon. But then, do ya really trust a weather forecast?
I just look at the weather in Decatur, Alabama. Poor Barney gonna freeze slap to death. It's 22.5 degs there right now.
Grrrrrrrrr to the winter gods.

That's probly bout all I have to say this morn'n. Oh yeah, no leg cramps last night. But I did feel one com'n on. Twisted around in the bed an' cured that sucker up right now. 

Thursday, January 23, 2014

"billy jeep" in the garage

It's late (11am) an' I got lots to say. *thinking, "what the hell do I have to say"*

So far there are only two names for the new Jeep....both by Billy Bob. I'm pretty partial to "billy jeep" over "billy toad". No suggestions for a name were made in the comments, so I guess "billy jeep" is it.

When I got up this morn'n, "billy jeep" was gone....not where it was parked yesterday. Joseph has it all jack up in the garage fix'n stuff....or to be more accurate....maintenance. That boy is one hell of a mechanic. He so good he can fix stuff what ain't broke. *look'n at the auto parts reciept* What the hell did Joseph buy? $117....damn. From what I hear, the "billy jeep" is get'n a oil change, grease job, new air filter, replace struts in the lift gate (back winder), a new fuel filter, headlight lens buffed to to brand spank'n new...... Holy cows Joseph, slow down, it's only a car. I won't know how to act.

For Joey.....! When I looked under the front end, I was staring at the radiator, face the face. How the hell do I install a tow bracket through the radiator. After look'n at pics of the BX1115, it installs in front of the radiator.
Ok, that's all I have to say bout that.

The next thing I got to say is....I ain't hurt this bad in the last 10 years. That was yesterday. Today I feel a little better. Sit'n in my chair feel'n sorry for myself.
After the golf ball swak'n game yesterday, I decided I would spend a couple hours on the floor. HA...forget that shit, I couldn't get back up. I clean the couch off an' go lay down there for the rest of the evening. HA...."Sadie Mae, git the hell out the way". Damn dog jump right in the middle my belly, lays down....says "hi daddy, I love you". Dog ain't got no respect at all. I rekon after being left alone with that damn goat all day, she was happy to see me. Went to bed early, pump that mattress up an' down look'n for some comfort. Then....at 2:30am I get's me one them leg cramps from hell. Two hours before I could go back to bed. Leg cramps from hell suck.

Oh great, we gonna go through this stuff of my blog not updating.....Grrrrrrr, that pisses me slap off.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

UPDATE.....Froze water hose.....need coffee

The first thing I got to do today is thaw out my freak'n water hose. Accord'n to my Walmart special temp. thingy, it got down to 26 degs last night. That's NOT what the weather forecast thingy said. I suppose by the time I get to the golf ball swak'n place at 10:30 I won't have to wear gloves an'  big ol' overcoat. Damn I hate cold weather.

Me an' nephew Joseph was sit'n here talk'n yesterday evening. "Uncle Bill, did you order the tow bar bracket yet"? Well, ya see, I was plan'n on modify'n the bracket off'n "that jeep" to save bout $375....or more. That's when he reminded me that the car lot lowered the price of "billy jeep" (I like that name) by $500 and installed a brand new set of $500 tires. Today, or tomorrow, I will order a brand new tow bar bracket. Part # BX 1115 by Blue Ox.

Ok, here's the problem. Part # BX 1115 is listed on bout a hunnert internet sites....with pictures of the bracket. But they ain't the same pictures for the same part number. What the hell???

Joseph has been scop'n out the new Jeep...."hey uncle Bill, look what I found". In the back cargo compartment there is a little cubby hole with a lid on it. Inside is a high dollar 6 CD changer. I ain't never owned a 6 CD changer in my life. I don't even think I own 6 CD's. If I do, I don't know where they would be stashed. At one time I did own bout a hunnert cassette tapes. Remember them?? I don't listen to music while I'm driv'n down the road....I think. And watch the road.

Ok, I got to go find me some warm clothes for today's excit'n round of golf with the OFM Barney. Hope he takes some pity on me as I'm stand'n there shiver'n at the #1 tee box. Damn I hate cold weather.
Since this mornings blog post did not show up on followers blogs, I will make this update on a wonderful round of swak'n golf balls.

When I met up with Barney at the golf course, the temps were on the rise. No shivers for the old Billy Bob. I played the white tees on all par 4's, what gave me a total yardage of bout 5700 yards. That's about my limit at 72 years old. From the white tees, I was able to reach the green in two strokes. Did I??? Well hell no. You think I'm a professional or something like that? Anyhows, it was a great game....neck an' neck with the "old fat man".

Another great afternoon lunch at the finest Mexican food eat'n place in Sinton, Texas. Bellies full, we called it a day.

Now I got to find me a place on the floor to lay this old body down. Ain't hurt this bad in a few years.  

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

"billy toad".....

I get on the phone.....
"hey, are you open today?"
"Yes, till 6pm".
"I'll be there in a few minutes".

I grabs me up a hand full of pocket change an' me an' nephew Joseph heads north to San Antonio. There in the car lot sit the "billy toad"....yet be officially named in due time. The deal was made. The guy took all my pocket change an' I pointed that thing for the interstate an' home. Varooommm!!! Go a hunnert mile a hour lickity split. An' no metal to metal clankity clank clank like "that jeep". I'm think'n "that jeep" is a POS.

Not only did the guy knock $500 off'n the ask'n price, he put on a set of brand spank'n new tires. That should give me bout 5 years of risk free driv'n.

While I was look'n the car over, I lay down on the ground an' look up under the front end for the possibility of using the tow bar bracket off'n "that jeep". Hmmmmm, something don't look right, probly won't work. Unless....I can do some modifications. Then it might. When I went to get my old rickety ass up off the ground....I says, "help". What the hell, I can't even get off the ground without help? That sucks. "Help, I've fallen an' I cain't get up".

Before "billy toad" is ready for toad'n, she has to have some stuff done. Like a tow bar bracket and wiring for the brake lights. Doesn't sound like much, but the front bumper and the grill has to come off before installation of the tow bracket. I'll leave that job to nephew Joseph. With my expert supervision of course. "How the hell ya take a bumper off a Jeep"?

Oh my God!!! Did anybody see the weather forecast for tomorrow. Hint hint Barney, it's gonna be a perfect day for a round of golf. Lower 70's, 10 to 15 mph winds an' sunshine all day. I'm think'n "Oh hell yeah".


Sunday, January 19, 2014

Oh dear, has he changed his mind?

Oh boy, here comes Billy Bob. This is the guy what don't know front from back, up or down.....cain't never make up his mind.

Well, ya see, it was like this. After I decided it was best for me to keep my POS "that jeep" and fix it up as needed when stuff breaks....look what I found on Craigslist.
*beware, looks can be deceiving*
A 2001 Jeep. Yeee haw Billy Bob!
Ok, before ya say anything, this Jeep is 4 years younger than my '97. It weighs only 100 pounds more than the renowned POS "that jeep". Yes it's used, with 136,000 miles (mine has 187,000). 4.7 V-8 4x4 5 speed automatic. The price has been reduced by $500. I'm think'n this could very easily be Billy Bob's new POS Jeep. Tomorrow we go to San Antonio????.....take a look see.....huh whatcha think?

In the mean time....nephew Joseph pulls a wheel off "that jeep". The brake rotor is got to be replaced. Well, there goes another hunnert dollar bill.....or more....pooof, just like that. See what I'm talk'n bout...."that jeep" is a POS.

On the brighter side, the sun is shining. nice an' warm at 77 degs, and no wind. Perfect day for do'n stuff outside. Check battery water. Put stuff back together. Wash some outside winders. I can do that. Although, my hip sure do hurt somewhat....maybe I'll just check the battery water. Hee hee hee, see what I mean bout being retired?

Speak'n of being retired, I'm go'n into my 12th year of this wonderful stuff called retirement. Retiring from a well knowed university, UTMSI Port Aransas, I got me plenty of school'n on the ins an' outs of slack'n off an' not get'n caught (1987 to 2002).
 Learnt me some of that in the Navy too (1961 to 1966). But anyways, slack'n off ain't what I was talk'n bout. I made me preparations for the day I would retire. "I don't owe nobody nuttin" was my goal.

 I bought me a old motorhome (30 foots 1989 Tiffin Open Road). That was "Alice" ya know. Paid $20,000 cash for her, right slap out my pocket. "I don't owe nobody nuttin". 
We lived and traveled together for bout 3 years until Sept. 2004, a young beauty caught my eye.

 "Alice" had a drink'n problem ya know (mpg), so she had to go. Walk the plank ya might say. In that first 3 years of retirement, we traveled a smig over 32,000 wonderful miles from the east coast to the west coast....all over Texas.

The last 5 or 6 years or so have slowed things down. Especially after that dad burned open heart surgery in 2008. That killed me as far as I'm concerned. I was healthy as a brand spank'n new shiny quarter before that happen. Other than back troubles of course. Now I feels like a old tarnished penny dug up on a beach somewheres (salt water corroded ya know). Anyhows, no matter what I feel like, or what I look like (tarnished and corroded), I am still retired. Do what I want to or do nuttin at all. Go anywheres I want to or nowheres at all. It's that simple....like it or not....I'm retired.   

Saturday, January 18, 2014

A toad is just another frog

After many hours of think'n an' research....here's the deal.....I'm keeping the POS "that jeep" and repair as needed.

Me an' the OFM Barney was sit'n outside the Mexican Restaurant after we had filled our bellies with a delicious meal, right after a great round of golf, an' we got to talk'n bout that beautiful 2006 Jeep Grand Cherokee I was gonna buy versus keep'n my 1997 POS Jeep. But I had already decided to keep "that jeep" the night before. Call me a cheap bastard if'n ya want to, but this is what I'm gonna do.

Ya see, I'm not into fancy bright shiny almost brand spank'n new stuff like Mr an' Mrs Jones next door. A little Turtle wax, some paint here an' there, a new set of tires, maybe take the spare tire off'n the roof, "that jeep" will look almost as good as new one. Although, that spare tire up there on the roof helps my find "that jeep" in a crowded park'n lot.

Lost my "little red bronco" in a Walmart park'n lot one time. Hunt all over the place for it. Bout the time I was gonna go back to the store to call the cops, there was my "little red bronco" way to hell over there.

As far as fix'n stuff what might break, I got people to do that kind of stuff. In the mean time, I'll be doing a little TLC to "that jeep" an' be just as happy as if'n I had me a brand spank'n new used Jeep. An' save me a bundle of pocket change in the process.

Now there's always the possibility I might just up an' change my mind. Do ya think the guy might come down bout $1500 on his ask'n price? That would just bout do it for me.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

A new toad....maybe so

"What the hell is a toad Billy Bob". Well, if'n ya ain't got a motorhome, toad is meaningless to ya. But if you just so happen to own a motorhome an' travel, you should already know what a freak'n toad is. Think of "towed" an' "toad". They kind of sound bout the same don't they? A toad is a vehicle towed behind a motorhome....for the convenience of go'n to Walmart when ya need groceries an' "stuff". I suppose ya could use a toad for other purposes too. But anyhows, all a toad is is a spare vehicle you tow behind a motorhome.

For all those that have been following this blog, ya probly know more about "that jeep" than ya need to know. It's a POS....that's all ya need to know at this time. I've replace almost every gald darn part on that car....an' it's still a POS. For two years I been look'n for a replacement for that....POS. I think I may have found one.
This is a 2006 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo.  It's already set up as a "toad" with a brand spank'n new tow bar base plate. One item I wouldn't have to buy (bout $600 installed).
Just in case ya want to go take a look, here's the addy.

Before ya get all excitis an' all that stuff, I ain't quite made up my mind yet. Just look'n at that thing, I'm think'n it may be a bit too classy for a old redneck like me. Shit, I would be strut'n my stuff all over town. You should'a see me when I bought a Jaguar. Drive around town wear'n hunnert dollar sunglasses. Then there's the $$$$ thing. Do I really want to spend that much just so's I can go to Walmart in style? The POS "that jeep" has enough style for any Walmart I ever been to. Last but not least, it weighs too much....it's fat. Bout 400 pounds or so more than "that jeep". There are no diet pills for Jeeps.

Yesterday, me an' the OFM Barney play a round of golf. A good round too. So good that we gonna play another round tomorrow morn'n. Damn I like Mexican food.

Ok, I got to go somewheres. Probly gonna pick me up some pocket change in case I go to Spring, Texas this weekend. See ya laters.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Billy who??? Bob

Well whoopee freak'n do...."he's back".

There's been a lot go'n on in my "new" life the past few weeks. Mostly like freez'n half to death in that dad gum polar whatsyacallit storm what shut down north America an' surrounding areas. Boy howdy, that was a cold one I mean to tell ya. But that's over, under the bridge....we got better things to think about. Actually, cold weather don't really bother me that much. As long as I'm not outside an' I got me some heaters in "da house" to keep me warm. And I'm somewhere's in the SOUTH.

Time is get'n short if'n I'm gonna catch me that 14 pounds bass down at Falcon lake. The sucker probly already done froze to death from all them cold fronts, an' all I'm gonna catch is a couple 2 or 3 pound fish. Now, speak'n of fish an' that "bubba boat". I'm not rightly sure I'm gonna be able to do that stuff no more. It's not that I can't blow that sucker up an' stuff like that.....I got a blow pump an' batteries. It's get'n in an' out of the boat....kind of like get'n up off the ground after ya fall down. It ain't easy. I got to have something to hold on to an' the only thing to hold on to get'n out the "bubba boat" is a lake full of water. But that's an adventure yet to be experienced in 2014. Yeee haw, here come the Billy Bob.

I didn't mention this before now, but I been try'n to quit puff'n on these damn little cigars. Not 'cause I think I'm gonna come down with cancer or nuttin like that, but I'm tired of caugh'n my lungs out ever time I fire one up. It's to the point that no matter what you die from, doctors are gonna blame it on smok'n. Don't get me started on that kind of nonsense. Anyhows, I got me one of them electronic cigarette thingys. Been puff'n on it for bout 3 weeks now. Cut my smok'n consumption down from over a pac a day to half a pac. You didn't know me when I would burn up a couple pacs plus a day, did ya? I know, I know....don't even say it, I'll do this "my" way. If'n I make it, "good on ya Billy Bob". If'n I don't, so freak'n what?

Holy cows, that dad gum Barney slap beat the hell out me on the golf course yesterday. He thinks that just 'cause he's a young wippersnapper an' the old Billy Bob is on his last leg, he gonna win every game we play. Well, I got news for the "old fat man", Billy Bob ain't done just yet. Only reason he win me yesterday was my arthor-itis was act'n up.....an' I cain't swak a golf ball like I used to. Sheesh, I'm lucky to hit the little bastard at all. I would call that outright cheat'n on Barneys behalf. Wouldn't you? I love play'n golf with the OFM Barney.

Well shoot, I gave ya enough to think about for a couple days....I'm out of here. No plans for the day. No ambition to do anything physical. Dishes??? Nope, they fine just like they are. Laters!!!


Friday, January 10, 2014

Yeee Ha....warm weather

I don't dance no more. Boy howdy, did I ever love to go danc'n. Do the Texas two step....my way. Twirl that little honey all round the dance floor, in an' out of traffic...stomp my feet..."git out the way, here come the old Billy Bob". Do the cotton eye Joe too. Rock an' roll....or what ever they call it now days. Get right in amungst a bunch of college girls an' git down an' dirty. I were a danc'n fool.....if'n I was lit up a little bit. 

That was just one of the things I used to be able to do.

I was sit' over there on the couch last night an' got to think'n bout all the excit'n stuff I done in my lifetime. It's all gone now ya know....pooof, just like that. The old body just ain't up to that kind of stuff no more. An' that make me mad, pissed off....make me wanna squeeze a freak'n grape. "Where the hell did I leave my wheelchair?"

I sure was happy to get up this morn'n. It was warm (bout 65 degs), an' a little later the sun come out for a bit. You know what that means. Golf ball swak'n.....Yeee haw!!! But not today. It rained ya know, so the course is gonna be wet....an' muddy where there ain't no grass. Well, you can play in mud if'n ya want to, but it ain't no fun. The ways I see it, it will take all weekend for the course to be playable. I'm think'n Monday morn'n would be a perfect day for swak'n golf balls. Oh wait, the wind gonna blow Monday. Sunday mor'n maybe?

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

JESUS...a hunnert times

I was holler...."JESUS, JESUS"....bout a hunnert times.

Ya see, when I get in a position where I cain't do nuttin bout it, I holler JESUS. Right bout 2am, right on the button, I get me a leg cramp. This thing was mak'n my foot turn almost all the ways around backwards. My toes was stick'n straight up in the air. I flys out of bed....head for the liv'n room. My god, I'm in some kind of pain. I hollers Jesus....bout a hunnert times. Jesus fix it after bout 30 minutes.

Back in bed by 2:30am, gonna get me some peaceful sleep. "Uh huh...yeah you are Billy Bob". It's 4:30 a clock in the morn'n. That when I get my second leg cramp....the backward kind ya know. Foot try'n to turn all the ways around backwards, toes stick'n up in the air.....I hollers JESUS....bout a hunnert times. This one only last bout 20 minutes....Jesus was feel'n sorry for me I betcha. Anyhows, I'm back to normal now. No aches or pains.

If'n ya ain't never been redneck camp'n, this is redneck camp'n. This was took in the north Georgia mountains on a 10 day camp'n trip with the boys an' a few grankids. Did I mention that it rained for 4 days?

An' did ya know ya can catch a pile of trout when it rains? I catched them fish with Green Giant whole kernel corn. Did I get wet? You betcha I did. Fell slap on the creek. *see top photo* Some them clothes on the line are mine.
When we make a campfire, we make a campfire. Took 5 days just to burn through that big sucker. Left the remains of that log for the next ten or so campers (the two ends).I'm think'n ya could get a cord of firewood out that log.

Oh god....I hate Walmart. Here I was with my stuff in the cart. It's time to check out. I gets up to the front an'.....there's two checkout lanes open, one 20 items or less an' two self checkout. I get pissed....say a few words. Then I hollers..."HEY!!!!". A nice lady, works for Walmart, come up to me...."Is something wrong"? Well yeah something is wrong....where are the &%$#'n checkers? She knowed I was pissed. Here come a floor manager, or what ever title they got....so's I light into her too. Say'n words an' stuff. I had to threaten to leave my cart before they opened a line just for me. I know it's Walmart policy to have only two or three lanes open, but this was ridiculous. There was 20 people in them two lines.

Ok, I got my shop'n done, pick up my meds an' head back to "da house". Builded me a big ol' pot of Billy Bob beef stew soup. Dang....that's some good eat'n.

Speak'n of "that jeep". My freak'n heater don't work worth a crap. I liked to freeze to death in that POS thing. Remember it was only 47 degs yesterday. Why the hell don't my heater work? It works just fine in the summer when I need air condition'n
Hold on a sec.....gonna go check the water.
Ok, it got enough water for two "that jeeps".

Laters.....eat some soup.


Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Was it cold? You betcha it was

Yesterdays photo was furnished by none other than the OFM Barney. It seemed to fit the occasion perfectly.
What??? Ya didn't see it? Ok, here it is again.

So? How cold was it yesterday an' last night? Boy howdy let me tell ya....I thought I was gonna freeze slap to death....that's how cold it was. I had all my change of clothes lay out on the bed with Walmart in mind. It was cold in "da house"....somewhere's bout 55 degs, maybe a little bit more.  My wonderful wheels "that jeep" was covered with a coating of "sop'n wet". It were 47 degs out there by mid afternoon. I ain't go'n nowhere's in this kind of weather.

Last night I was sit'n here watch'n TV. My god, it's cold in here. Outside temp 26 degs when I finally go to bed. It sure feel good to have a nice warm body up against your back. Thank ya Sadie Mae.

Well crap, here it is already 1pm after noontime an' I ain't done a damn thing. Seems like every day it takes a little longer to read the blogs. Don't ya love the internet?  Yahoo news, blogs, Facebook.....stuff like that.

I'll be gone now. Need my meds an' some freak'n donuts....or anything sweet. Dang I hate drive'n all the way to Walmart.

Hmmmmm.....post did not update. Try this!!!!
Nope...that didn't work.

Monday, January 6, 2014

I could be shovel'n dirt

Ok already.....I'll make a post. I'm not quite dead yet, but I feel dern near to it. Well, not really.
Ya see, it's been rather chilly in south Texas an' I don't do cold an' very little of chilly. That's the way I am an' I ain't chang'n for nobody. You can go outside in that shit all ya want, but I ain't gonna.

I figger I made a good choice when I decide to stay at "El Rancho Abraham". Did ya see the weather up there in the northeast an' west? Holy cows, that's cold. Until this cold weather passes by an' it gets a mite warmer, I'm stay'n right here. South of Sinton, like Falcon lake, ain't no better off....cold as a sum a gun down there too. I might as well stay right where I'm at soak'n up the heat from two electric heaters an' a occasional Mr Heater propane moment. I got electric, water, a free camp'n spot an' plenty of home cooked food. "Nuttin is free Billy Bob....pay up".

Got "that jeep" look'n like a brand spank'n new Jeep. Wash an' a wax job sure do make it look pretty.....damn POS Jeep. Still got that brake problem. Been too cold to climb under that thing an' fix it. I rekon as long as it stops, that's all that matters.

Damn goat!!! I skeer the hell out that goat when he grab holt of my door mat thingy. He eats shit like that ya know. I throwed a firecracker. "POW"....that goat take off like lightning....a hunnert mile a hour. You think that cure him? Well hell no. He come back a hour later, grab that mat thingy an' take off out in the middle of the yard with it. Chew the corners slap off it....runed it (destroyed). This damn goat is some kind of coool.

Somebody suggested eat'n that damn goat. Ha, forget that. That sucker would be like eat'n that door mat thingy. He weighs close to 200 pounds, probly more....big as that mama burro out there. I never seen a goat get so big. But then, I don't know nuttin bout goats neither.

So that's the deal. The old Billy Bob ain't go'n nowheres an' ain't gonna do nuttin till it gets warmer.